A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How should I tell my bf that I was upset?I have been seeing my bf for 6 mths, I didn’t not want to seem like I’m nit picking or anything but a few things are bothering me.He rarely iniates intimacy. His excuse is he’s shy. Surly not after 6 mth, so I haven’t to see if he would and he’s hasnt.He doesn’t seem to want to include in in family stuff he has going on.This weekend was his sons 16th. His son asked if I was going to the bbq which I said if that was ok and he says yes, however didn’t go bc his dad didn’t invited me. Instead he says he’d see me later that evening when they’d gone home. 10 o’clock he called. However I wasn’t up for him coming over at that time so I said no.I don’t think it’s occurred to him that he hurt my feelings.He seems reluctant to make plans with me to go away together even for a weekend , claiming money the issue, however he’s going away next year on holiday and is paying for his step daughter and her partner to go with them.I can’t see this relationship lasting if this is who he is.How can I approach the subject with him and am I right to be annoyed?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2018): Your man needs to get His testosterone checked.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2018): His son invited you to his birthday party; why didn't you mention that to your boyfriend? It might not have occurred to him that you'd care to go to a teenager's birthday party; but he didn't realize his son extended the invitation himself.
The fact he doesn't include you in family gatherings or picture you in family-situations; is because he isn't really romantically-connected. He likes female-companionship when it suits him, it's better than being alone; but from your description, it's like you're available on-call. His lady in-waiting, or plus-one. Only, you've yet to fulfill the role as plus-one, but you're always waiting!
Usually, in a six-month relationship; intimacy and sex is at it's peak. That's when sexual-intimacy is at its highest intensity in a budding-romance. People can't keep their hands off each other! Maybe he needs some Viagra!
A divorcee with a teenage son, shy about sex? Seriously?!!
You serve a utilitarian-purpose or function for him. He has lost interest in taking your relationship any further than it is, and he's neglecting it to cutoff the blood-supply. Letting you be the one to be forced to end it for your own reasons. He comes out the good-guy. He's too chicken to say it's over, as far as he's concerned.
I see nothing going for you here. Do you?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 July 2018):
 Personally if I was in your situation I would be annoyed and hurt as well. Although I would do things differently to you. If his son invited you then you should have said to your boyfriend that he invited you and that you would like to come along. You don't need to sit and wait for an invitation from your boyfriend, it was his son hosting the BBQ and he invited you so you should have went along!
As for a weekend away, well we all love to get away. Is his excuse for money legit? Is he short of money or do you feel he is just making excuses? As for the holiday next year well he has plenty of time to save, have you asked him would he like you to join him on his vacation?
It has only been six months but you do really need to communicate more with him, it is okay to be honest with him and tell him how you are feeling. Waiting around for him to be intimate is not going to help. You need to tell him your issues and ask him to try harder, he can't read your mind.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 July 2018):
 You ask if you are "right" to be annoyed. It isn't about right or wrong here. OBVIOUSLY you are annoyed with a bunch of little things. BUT you try and use passive-aggressiveness instead of sitting him down and talk about EACH issue as they pop up. THAT won't GET you anywhere.
Personally, I think 6 months in is a bit too soon to be super involved in each other's family lives. A couple is usually working out whether or not they are a good fit - like you and your BF are.
However, his SON asked if you were going to be there and it was agreed upon all around but you and your BF, yet he CHOSE not to take you. I'd ask him why.
I would have called him the next day and asked why he made the choice to NOT invite you or bring you after all. I DO think you did the right thing is saying, no need to come over at 10 pm. After all, he would have gotten there at what? 10:30-11 pm and then you would have gone to bed? He isn't a mind reader, OP so that might be why he seems oblivious to you feeling hurt.
Maybe the reason he can't (or won't spend) money on you right now is that he is saving up for this upcoming vacation next year.
If he can't afford going away for a weekend with you, FIND other things to do that doesn't cost money or... a *novel idea* PITCH in! You two might have been dating for 6 months but you really have NO IDEA about his financial situation. That is something that you figure out over time and through talks.
He rarely initiate intimacy. And you have tried to pull back so he COULD initiate and he just hasn't. Well for some couples one person initiate more than the other, that is not so odd. Usually the man. In your case he says it is because he is shy. I think it's actually because you two don't really know each other well enough for him to feel comfortable with initiating. If he can out of a long term relationship where intimacy was dead or he was told off by a partner for asking "too much" - it can be that he doesn't want to come across as a sex pest, isn't good at reading you/your mood, he likes that YOU initiate, or.. he has a very low sex-drive to begin with.
YOU won't know unless you have a conversation about these things.
Don't let all the little things pile up into a ball of resentment. TALK to him. And if there are just too many things that annoy you, maybe HE isn't the guy for you.
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