A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I work in a restaurant, and I was at the bar when like the hottest girl in my whole town comes in and orders a drink. She recognises me, and while I'm doing the drink she says "so you've probably seen facebook" and I was like, "erm yeah last I saw you were engaged, congratulations" and then she was like "yeah no that's over, I heard you just went through a bad breakup too". Then I gave her her drink and she said "we should go out for a drink sometime" and I said "yeah I'll message you" and then she said "I'll grab your number when I come back in" then went off and sat in the garden.This girl is so out of my league that it only occurred to me about 5 minutes later when I was thinking about it, that it actually kinda seemed like she had just asked me out. Problem is, when she came back in she was with someone else, but when they ordered food they were talking about work and promotions, so it probably wasn't a date. Plus the girl looked straight and not her type anyway. I was going to give her my number when I called last orders, but they left like 2 minutes before that and she didn't bother to get my number.When she was ordering food she seemed pretty flustered and kept making mistakes with her order. Another thing I noticed is she called me babe, which is very unusual for two short haired non femme lesbians, unless there is an attraction there. I'm thinking there are 3 possibilities, first one is she asked me out, the second is she was just small talking and has no intention of anything and that's why she didn't actually get my number, or third, she meant we should just go for a drink as friends. Although the third option doesn't seem likely because I've probably only spoken to her about 5 times before. And these occurences have been random and spread out over a 3 or 4 year period.So I'm confused.....what happened here? and how should I play it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2015):
 OP, why are you getting mad ?!
Your post never said if you were looking just for casual sex or for someone to date, so even if some respondents assumed ( wrongly ) that you wanted something more than an ONS, what's so wrong with that. Some people look for casual sex with hot girls , and some would look for a hot girl to go out with regularly and hopefully have a relationship with. Neither are wrong , they just have different goals , - why are you getting angry if strangers who do not know you could not guess yours from few lines of posting ?...
Anyway " , feelings " do not just refer to LOVE feelings. Pride is a feeling too; expectations imply feelings too- the feeling of being hopeful about some positive outcome , for instance. Or the feeling of being highly desirable in somebody's eyes.
IF this lady asked you out ( sort of ), raising in you the expectation that she may want you as a sex partner,( for HOW LONG does not really matter ) , BUT she did it only to boost her own ego and flex her seduction muscles , with no intention of carrying it any further, then yes, she is a player and she dabbles with people's
" feelings " . What she is doing is not cool and not honest - even if all you'd want from her is just some fun and frolic.
That's basically all that the responders meant, I think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2015): Original poster here....ok wow, toying with my feelings? playing me? At what point exactly did I say I had feelings? I don't know her well enough to have feelings....jeez whats wrong with people these days?? gods sakes we don't have to fall for everyone we meet simply to subconsciously justify sex, blood hell..... It's disrespectful to the condition of Love to bastardize it in such a horrible way by just flinging it around thinking it's good enough for anyone and everyone. Thats what sex is for.All I wanted to know was did it sound like this girl was DTF? my insecurity came from her hotness, no traces of "feelings". And from the playing with me and toying with my emotions response, I'm now thinking perfect she sounds very sensible and mature about sex and relationships and won't cry about it when we only get it on once or twice and then respectfully exchange acknowledging nods at the bar....so thanks I suppose.
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A
female
reader, Nicollete95 +, writes (14 May 2015):
 I say take chance what would it hurt? Life is short!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 My guess is she just likes the attention and having a harem to choose from. She now knows you are available to her, and she just wanted that ego boost. If she was any bit serious she could have gotten your number straight away. Sorry to disappoint you, but even if shes beauriful she doesnt sound like a decent woman. Decent people dont play others like that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): she is being a bit of a diva because she can always private message you on facebook ...and that would make it clear if she was glamorising herself or toying with your feelings. Now why are you thinking she is soooo way out of your league...make her make the next move or she might be gathering admirers like charms on a bracelet.
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