A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hallo,Actually I am sharing this personal matter after getting much frustration.Before 5 years i got engaged with a girl. I stayed engaged with her for 5 months. but during those five months i thought that i was engaged too early and so i was not able to live freely my life. So i broke relationship with her. My family and her family were unhappy with this matter. But that was over at that time.I shall admit that it was my big mistake.Now due to this effect it was difficult for me to find a girl when it was right time for me to marry. I saw 3-4 girls for marriage but they were not ok so i rejected them. But the pressure from my family was increasing on me to select a girl and marry.So, finaly i saw on girl in my caste and gave green signal to make her my life partner. I did not liked her much. She was not as per my expectations in looking and intelligence but as i was unable to get my type of girl, I accepted her and we got engaged. After that i had to go away for half year. I was in continuous contact with her via phone. I tried to make myself love her. But i was not cent percent successful. I thought when I shall meet her and live with her i shall fall in love with her.Now after six month when I came to meet her, she had become much fatty. So, i even more disliked here. I though my partner should be very beautiful and with nice figure and etc..We have also some love making time but during that she had not much warm behaviour.Her plus points are that she is much caring for me, loves me and respect me. Her negative points are her looks, she is introvert and importantly i dont love and like her.so, I am confused what should I do now?If I break engagemet then i shall not get any good girl this time. Or if i marry her then I will not be happy to live with her without loving her. And this situation is creating bottleneck for my mind.Please help me regarding this matter....
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you all for your invaluable help...
I shall talk with her regarding this matter....
I feel that after talking to her regarding this shall help me and her both...
Thanks again...God bless you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): shallow, conceited man?? so you are not only concerned about her looks, very limited intelligence. please call off this wedding. this woman deserves more respect and more from a man. what are you? perfect?? you have an arranged marriage for heavens sake, you choose the girl, and now you do not want her. she may surprise you and she may turn out to be the best f*ck you have had. then what? appearances are not what you make it out to be. try getting over your high expectations. plse take a look in the mirror. do you like what you see. more importantly, dcan you stand your prejudices?
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A
female
reader, athenas  +, writes (20 June 2009):
Hey there!!! Well first of all marriage aint a little game its not like oh "ok what girl can i pick" you didnt say your age but its says between 22-25 your pretty grown up man. I mean your parents dont have to be making your decissions, how are you going to marry someone you hardly even know or even worst you dont even love its not fair for the person whos going to marry you because your not going to love her. So why be in a relationship like that one make your own choices dont marry this girl you dont even love her your only going to make her life misserable. Date girls and get to know them. Because your to busy looking for a wife and not love a wife is not a person thats going to be your maid its the person who your going to love for the rest of your life. Good Luck!!!
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (20 June 2009):
You need to get a grip and man up if you do not care anything for her you need to end the engagement asap how will the both of you be happy without love and what about the children please end this now and she probably doesnt like you either and is just marrying you because your the best guy to come along yet maybe you should shop around more please dont marry because your parents are pressuring you to do so just tell you would like to be further in your career before you settle down because iam sure you will have kids right away stand up to your parents and to her dont ruin your life just to make someone happy please...... what is wrong with a little fat she may dislike things about you too so please dont be so quick to judge her maybe you should sit down and speak with her honestly and face to face then maybe she will let you off the hook and you tell your parents she has decided not to be with you ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): It is difficult to answer this question without remembering the cultural aspects. You have pressure from your family and society to marry - not only that, you have to marry the "right" girl. I would of course suggest that if you do not love someone, that you should not marry them, but you might feel differently.
You need to ask yourself if you are willing to sacrifice the opinion of your family and culture and NOT marry her, or go along with it but be stuck with a woman you don't love at all. Remember also, that being with you will also make this woman unhappy, if you dislike her so much already. She'll realise that you are not happy, and she will feel trapped too, if she doesn't already.
All relationships take work, but if you can't imagine yourself with this girl AT ALL, then maybe you can speak to someone close to you and ask that you be matched with someone who is more like you, or that you can have a little time to find someone who you know is better for you.
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