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female
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*elphinet
writes: I love my boyfriend of four years very much, but I don't feel the same way about him as I did about another man (8 years ago). I also know I don't love him as much as he loves me. The thought of being alone, without him, and of hurting him upsets me... But I feel it's unfair on him to stay with him knowing that I don't feel as strongly as he does. I've been driving myself mad with this for over a year now, and any advice from a different perspective is welcome!!! Thank you. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2005): I'm in the same situation, but I'm the one who's more in love with my girlfriend than she's in love with me. If I were your boyfriend I'd want you to tell me now. The longer you wait the more it'll hurt. You've been holding on to this for over a year already. I think it's time you talked to him about it.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (25 August 2005):
 I always find that in most relationships, one person always feels a little more strongly than the other. That's just nature, some of us are deeper, more serious people than others and that's just the way it is. You will rarely find two people who love each other the exact same amount or feel they can show it in the exact same way: we're all too different!
However, this doesn't mean this is a bad relationship with no future. If you can't bear the thought of your life without him them surely, that tells you that you care about him a heck of lot.
But at the end of the day, if the spark you've felt before isn't there anymore, life it too short to hang around. It's always scary at first when you finish with someone who has been part of your life for a long time but you have to make that step if you believe it will get better.
Think long and hard before you do this, though. It's all very nice thinking the grass is greener on the other side and you've felt more for someone else before him, but if you do this and regret it, it could be the biggest mistake of your life.
My advice to you is spend some quality time together, go out for romantic meals and spend cosy nights in and see how you feel when you look into his eyes after a perfect night. That will give you your answer. Good luck and remember, you're strong and you will survive on your own if that is your decision. :)
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