A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure whether to stay with my boyfriend or not. We had a really bad argument on Wednesday night. We went to a cash machine so that i could get some money out for us to go and buy some food. I was in a bad mood because i have been worried about my benefits ( i am on Jobseeker's Allowance ), as they have been stopped for a while. When we got to the cash machine, i said " this is a waste of money ", as he already had some food at home, and i really wanted to go home and get some food there. Then, my boyfriend ran away, and he was running so fast that i couldn't keep up with him. He got back to his house before i did, and he shut the front door. I was banging on his door and begging for him to let me in, and he kept telling me to f*** off. He let me into the house after a few minutes. He had been drinking for a while that day, and he carried on drinking during the night. Later on, he said " why don't you have sex with my son, as you're always asking me about him ". I am in my twenties, and my boyfriend is in his forties. His son is a year younger than i am. I have never met his son, and the only reason that i keep asking about him is because i am curious about him because he is my boyfriend's son, not because i want to try and get with him. He got divorced from his son's mother ( his ex wife ) when their son was three, and he hasn't seen his son much since then. My boyfriend also accused me of using him for sex!. He had no reason to do that though, as he knows that that isn't all i am with him for. He has never been bothered about the age difference before, so i don't know why he said those things. He also called me a freak!. Another thing that disturbed me was he told me that him and his younger sister used to touch each other when they were kids!. He was 13 at the time and she was 12. I don't know why he told me that. He also kept imitating me, by putting on a childish voice and repeating things i had said. I stayed over at his house ( i know,i probably should have walked out, but it was very late at night). He also kept saying that if i wanted to leave, i should go and f*** off. The next day, he apologised for what he had done, and said he didn't mean it. He said he had been upset by me saying that going to buy the food was a waste of money. I told him that i was disturbed by what he said about his sister ( that was the thing that upset me the most ) and he said he exaggerated it to shock me, and said that he wanted to forget that what happened between them and said he wished he hadn't told me that and he didn't know why he told me. He also told me that his parents were hardly ever around when they were kids, and that he shared a bedroom with his sister and other brothers. He has two brothers and one sister. I told him that it isn't normal to touch a sibling, and i said that i hoped that he realised now that it was wrong, and he said he does. He said that his sister danced topless in a bar where he and his friends were drinking once too. I don't think she was dancing for them, i think they happened to be in the same place. They were older then. I think they were in their late teens or early twenties by then. He said his sister used to run after him with a sanitary towel in her hand when they were kids too. They sounded really weird!. He has never treated me in a weird way though when we have had sex. He also told me that incest is common , and i have read that it is. I haven't been able to get it out of my mind though, and i don't want to have sex with him because of it. Do you think i should forget about it, since it happened a long time ago ?. I also wish that he would stop drinking. He has bipolar disorder too, by the way. Also, his ex wife and the other girlfriends he had before me all had mental health problems, and he had lots of arguments with his ex wife and ex girlfriends. His ex wife was abused when she was a child, and so were a couple of his ex girlfriends, and one of his girlfriends self harmed. It worries me that he has been with so many people with mental health problems too. He says i am the best thing that ever happened to him, and most of the time, we get on really well . We have been together for four months now, and that was the worst argument we had ever had, and we have hardly ever argued. In a way, i want to stay with him as he does have a lot of good points, but i hate the way he gets when he is angry and when he drinks. I know it doesn't help that he has bipolar disorder though either. Do you think i should stay with him and try and work through this, or should we split up ?. He said that he knew that the way he spoke to me was cruel, and he said that i probably think that he is a bad person.
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divorce, ex girlfriend, ex-wife, his ex, incest, money, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): I have learned that being with a person who drinks is not fun. What he told you about his childhood and what he and his sister did makes me think that is why he drinks and adding alcohol and a mood disorder on top equals severe issues. Hon, you should leave him and find a man more around your own age. You shouldn't have to deal with the mental and emotional abuse when he is drinking and you don't have to "walk on eggshells" because you are afraid of pissing him off. Plus, it sounds like he might be using you. Why are you the one getting money out to eat out? Especially when there is food at home. It also sounds like he has an issue about the age difference. That might be why he is trying to get you to sleep with his son and that makes me wonder if he might get turned on by the thought of it. Plus, since his childhood was twisted I would wonder if his son may have been sexually abused along with being mentally/emotionally abused. Honey, leave the man! You can do better and with someone around your own age you'll have more things in common. Good Luck!
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