A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My parents are in their 80's. Although my BF of 2 1/2 years is loving, successful, employed, and financially secure yet they act very cold and aloof around him. My guess is because he has long hair (IT/science guy). They NEVER ask about him and im so embarrassed that they act like this, it also makes me sad they're so judgemental. I'm bringing him for his 2nd thanksgiving with them and I really want them to be talkative nice to him. What can I do? I've talked to them about this before without much change in their attitude. Please help Dear Cupid! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate.....thanks to my Agony Aunts and Uncles I was able to relax and have the best thanksgiving ever with my parents and my BF.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2012):
 Congrats on having parents that lived this long. Those are your genes too!
Your GUESS as to why your parents don’t ask about him or why they are cold and aloof to him may be wrong totally. Have you ASKED them? My grandparent’s (long gone) were just cold aloof people in general due to their upbringing.
You don’t need to be embarrassed by your parents behavior as it’s not your fault (now if your CHILDREN behave this way it is your fault because you raised them)…..
YOU want them to be nice and talkative… and they won’t be. Perhaps it’s better not to plan to go be with them on the holidays if they embarrass you so badly. Since you have talked to them about it and asked them to be nice and they are not, there is not much you can do.
To be blunt honey they will be gone in a few years and then it’s not an issue… indulge them as best you can… I would kill to have my mom around to be rude to my husband.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 November 2012):
 Dear OP,... what do you want to do ? They are in their EIGHTIES !, they must be set in their ways by now, and also have developped their quirks and preferences. Plus, regardless of age,... they don't HAVE to like your bf only because you do.
These must be the last Thankgivings you are spending with them, do you want to spoil them with a power struggle, no matter how justified? With older people it is a bit like with children, you can't apply quite the same rules as with adults, you need to use more patience and indulgence.
Of course that does not mean to give in to tantrums, so you can ask , and expect, that they treat him politely out of respect for you. But once they are civil, forget about nice and talkative. I am sure your bf will have known other cranky older people and won't take it too personally !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): "I really want them to be talkative nice to him. What can I do? I've talked to them about this before without much change in their attitude. Please help Dear Cupid!"
Sorry, but not much you can do to change your parents' attitudes; that's something only they can do for themselves.
Given their ages, very possible your parents still associate long hair with drug usage and 1960's "hippie" lifestyle as my late parents (who would be slightly older than yours) did, and demonstrated similar displeasure at my shoulder-length hair way back when.
I'm guessing bf is used to the cold shoulder, probably more understanding and tolerant of your parents than you might think, all you and he can do is grit your teeth and
be your polite, respectful selves in their presence. There will come a time when you will look back and be glad your made the effort to quietly indulge your parents' benign foibles and keep the peace. That's what holiday gatherings are all about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): Gee this is a hard one..
Why not I don't know if you do, ask mum if you can come early and help with the cooking etc.. You know your parents, who would you say listens more, mum or dad..
If you can't decide who.. Go see them both, take over something nice that dad likes, with my dad it woulda been a bottle of port and box of chocolates, say that there a peace offering (not a bribe haha) that you know your bf is not the most conservative looking person, point out his long hair, but add haven't you been raised not to judge a book by its cover?? Say how much you want to enjoy thanksgiving with everyone you love, include your bf name at this point and that you've noted tension before, give them opportunity to tell you what they feel.
Point out all your bf good points, good men are hard to find and having long hair may not be what they like, but add that he treats you special and after all isn't that what they want?.
They ask, for them to give him a chance, open up a little etc.
Be patient be strong.. They love you . Their just mature and set in their ways, they'll come around..
Take care
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