A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunts, I am 17 in 3 months and I feel like my parents kind of treat me like a kid. Its like this : Whenever I want to go out, I would tell them where I'm going and tell them who I am with. BUT, they would never let me walk on my own to meet my friend/s. I hope you all understand that like I am old enough to walk on own right? And like, when I let them know, its like they make the decision whether I can hangout or not. My parents know who all of my friends are so I feel like they do not trust me or smtg. Also, my parents always think I am too young for things like having a boyfriend or even letting hang out with a guy alone. There was a moment when I really like this guy and he liked me back too. He is the sweetest guy and he is like the only guy from my school that never objectify me. (Objectifying me in terms of like calling me sexy or smtg as inappropriate as that and once I wore sports pants so it was hugging my legs and some guy was checking my butt out and said smtg really inappropriate.) Anyways, back to the boy I like, we still like each other and like he moved to another country for school but he is coming back for holiday and asked me to come hang out with him. And well, I really want to and my parents have met him and said that he was a very nice/well-behaved boy. So I told them I was going to hangout with him this sunday but I have to add stuff to it saying its with his friends too. I don't really want to lie, but I have no other choices. He understands that my parents are quite hard tough to deal with, especially when going out. (Extra thing about the guy : We like each other very much and we admitted it and we spend a lot of time together when we were in the same school. We have strong feelings for each other and well, he's serious and committed to me and me to him)I know I am quite young, but I feel old enough to like at least have some independence and freedom when I want to go out. I don't really like lying or telling around the truth but sometimes I have no choice when I want to hang out with the guy I like. My parents dont really understand how I feel about him and I can never tell them. They are not accepting to these things and I do not know why. I keep up with my studies, straight As since I started college and I went to a college to train myself to be on my own. My parents are old-fashined chinese who have some stereotypical thinking where girls cannot take care of themselves and I feel (about myself) that I am caged up and my parents are like so afraid to let me to be independent. What should I do? Please help me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 October 2015):
 You only get one set of parents..You must loveand respect them. that's your only "job" right now. At some point in time 9let us hope it is many decades from now) They will depend on you for many things. they only want you to grow into a strong young person that has the correct basis for making your way in the world. And since the world is a crazy place they have fears for you. Until the point where you are independant and ready to take on the challenges of life just humor them and love them because they love you.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (23 October 2015):
 It's not that your parents don't trust you, it's that you are 16 years old and not a grown woman yet. You are not done maturing physically and emotionally, and depending on your upbringing and the area in which you live, you may not have the life experience and "street smarts" to roam your city safely on your own. As long as you are not legally an adult and are living at home with your parents, I'm sorry to say that you need to respect the rules they set for you.
Obviously no one can force you to do so, but I guarantee that if either of your parents catches you lying and sneaking around, what little "independence and freedom" you do have currently will be greatly restricted. Your parents love you and although their "rules" may feel stifling, know that they are acting in what they feel to be your best interests by trying to make sure you don't find yourself in situations beyond your control.
Finish school so that you are READY to be on your own, get your own place, and *then* you can think about making your own rules for boys, friends, and going places alone.
In the meantime I strongly suggest you don't lie about where you are going, because in addition to breaking their trust, doing so gives your family no way to find you in the event of an emergency.
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2015): I posted this question... About the objectifying...
Like I mean i dont mind being called sexy but just not from random guys that are having inappropriate thoughts about me.. Sorry it wasnt explained very well
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