A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 19 years old and have never had a boyfriend. Recently, I started talking to a boy who works across the street from me and I've gone on a few dates with him. He and I share a lot of the same interests and get along well, but I am not enjoying the physical part of the relationship at all. I don't like kissing, in fact I find it a little gross, and I don't feel "turned on" when he touches me. I feel bad because he obviously likes these things a lot and I really have no interest in them.He seems to be understanding about this and promised he'd slow down, but I feel like I'm never going to enjoy these physical things and I also feel like I'm doomed to never have a real relationship because of it. Advice???
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (3 September 2010):
 maybe u like him on a friendly level but u are not attracted to him. have u ever felt attracted to anyone? like think to urself "oh wow this guy is so handsome" ?
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (3 September 2010):
Is there anything from your past that might make you feel this way now?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): How do you feel about this guy? Do you even like him? You say you share the same interests and get on well...but do you LIKE him? If you don't, are you allowing these things to happen because you are worried you will never have a relationship, and so are willing to give him a chance even if you are not that interested in him?
Different people like different things, and I don't think it is unusual to dislike kissing. I have never been too keen on kissing either. But the fact that you don't like him to touch you either makes me think you may not be attracted to him. You may be better suited as being just friends, as it sounds like he is not someone you are attracted to in a "boyfriend" kind of way. I think you can enjoy these things, but only when you are with someone you are genuinely interested in and attracted to. You don't seem to feel like that about this guy.
But if you are interested in him, and would like to see if this could work out, then it could be that things are going too fast for you. If you have only just started to go out on dates, it is still early days. So maybe you are just not yet comfortable enough with him for anything physical. And that is okay.
Maybe you could tell him that you would like to take things at a slower pace, and would like to hold off with the physical stuff at the moment. In the meantime, just get to know each other. Do things together, but just concentrate on building up a friendship. Let things develop on their own, and don't try to rush anything. With time, your feelings might start to change. And if they don't, then it would suggest you would be better being just friends with this guy.
But please don't pressure yourself to do anything you do not like. I understand you feel frustrated about not having a relationship yet, but don't let this make you do anything you are not comfortable with. I know it is easy for me to say, but try and go with the flow, and see how things develop.
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