A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, feeling confused at the moment and would love some friendly advice.its a bit complicated but ill try to explain. I met my current partner on a dating site as he is in the forces. We live 2 hours drive apart. We met last july and have seen each other every weekend sinse and even been on holiday together. Everything is going great apart from him being best friends with his ex. This is not his ex wife who he has kids with by the way. Basically what happened was his wife ran off with his best mate, so he ended up being very close to his best mates wife as they brought each other through it. they ended up having a relationship. It got complicated as she has 2 kids too and it was as if thier parents had swapped if you see what i mean, anyway she moved to be near my now boyfriend when they were seeing each other as she didn't have anyone else. the relationship didn't work out but they still did everything together and the kids play together still when he has them over on a weekend. The thing is, she still looks after the house when he is away and gets shopping for him and she still invites him for dinner in the week when i'm not there and she has done this in front of me. sae still wants him to go out with all the kids for the day and she comes over sometimes while i am there. I know the kids are friends and i don't have a problem with that but they are very close. I know nothing is going on but they still think a lot of each other. He has asked me to move in with him and he has tried to reassure me that it will only ever be friends . I trust him but not sure about her. She does have someone in her life now but still wants to do things with my partner. I have spoken to him about how i feel and i said i wouldn't expect them not to be mates because he has met me but for it to be toned down and for her not to walk in the house as she does now. he said he would compromise on some things which made me feel better but he wants us both to go round to her house with the kids for drinks when her boyfriend is there. I said i would try but didn't want to be a regular thing, just now and then. Do you think i am being unreasonable? I don't want to make the move if there will be 3 of us in this relationship. not sure what to do. I love him dearly and i know he does me and i don't want to lose him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): I know it is very difficult thesituation where you are. He will never stop seeing hi ex, man are like this. I have the same situation with my partner we are together since four years now.Recently I realied that he was sms-ing his exwife almost every night, with I love you, xxx we leave in an other country. I was devasteted, he is telling me that it is just a relationship that he can't stop. I can never leave with her,he tells me. Many years ago he has tried a second time to get together with his ex but has not succeded. I think this is man, just take it as a fact that they have to have another friend and try to go on with it. I am trying the same now, I don't know for how long.
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (8 February 2009):
 I can understand this and I wouldn't like it either. I think it is too much for you to have to put up with. It would drive me crazy but I am not very tolerant. You have sat down and discussed this with him and he said he will compromise and I believe him when he says he isn't interested but the actions of the lady show that she is definitely interested. Very few women will cook, clean and do other things for a man unless they want to be with them.
I personally wouldn't move in with him at this moment in time. This lady is still very much part of his life and unless he can tell her to back off and stop doing these things then it will continue and you are going to feel jealous and miserable. I cannot believe he would be happy with it if it was the other way round so may be you could adopt that approach. I do not in any way feel you are being unreasonable , no couple wants a third person butting in. Insist that he asks her nicely to stop and that he makes it really clear that he is with you now.
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