A
female
age
30-35,
*elples
writes:I haven’t talked to my boyfriend in a day and a half because I left my phone home so I won’t constantly look at it wishing he would call more. He’s been calling me a lot and I call him back when I get home which is pretty late because of classes. So tonight, we finally talk and throughout our whole conversation, I accidentally keep slipping his name. I have been calling him by his first name for a while, sometimes I call him baby and other nick names but most of the time by his first name. He’s told me he wants to hear me call him baby instead, and I said I will. The thing is, I say his name without even realizing when I’m talking. According to him, tonight I said it about three times before he started saying “It’s on.” And I asked, “What is?” … “You keep calling me *name* when I’ve asked you over thirty times not to. I’m going to get you back; you won’t know how it’s coming or when it’s coming.” I ask him, “Will it hurt me?” His answer, “Maybe, maybe not. You’ll never know.” So for every time it slipped up in our conversation, he would say, “I’m bringing it # times as hard.” By the end of our conversation it was nine times. I can’t recall why we went silence for a bit, but that’s when he said I’m going to sleep. I quickly brought up the thing he kept talking about, and he said oh you’ll see. But that’s when it bothered me, why would he hurt me on purpose? I don’t say his name on purpose. It’s something I’ve been accustomed to and it’s taking a while to get use to not saying. Then he said “Yea but I’ve asked you over ninety times (exaggeration) and you still do it.” So I brought up, “How about when I told you to call me more since week one that school started? You haven’t! And I don’t say I’m going to get back at you and blah blah blah. I just keep asking you and asking you.” Then he said “You right… (Ugh, I dislike when he doesn’t talk as proper as he use to.) But you’re you and I’m me.” I was thinking, “Unbelievable!” He knew I was mad and all he did was say good night angel. I’m like whatever, bye. I didn’t want to end the conversation since we barely talked these past two days. I was hoping he didn’t want to either. But ever since he started college, he’s changed! He’s not the romantic sweetie he use to be. It frustrated me so much tonight I started crying. Mostly because we haven’t talked in a while and he acted as if it was any regular old day. He texted me shortly after that saying, “Thanks for making the conversation shorter. Bye baby, good night, sweet dreams. I love you, angel.” All I said was, “I don’t need your sarcasm. Bye.” I don’t know whose right or if we’re both right or anything about this. I just don’t know what to do.-----[Moderator's note: added from the same user]I miss my boyfriend being as sweet and romantic as he use to be. I'm tired of asking him to call me more like he use to, and he thinks he's doing it, but in reality, he's not. What should I do? He's changed since college started, which was four-to-five weeks ago.Quick background information: My first love. He loves me in return. We've been together for about two years.
View related questions:
I love you, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): Hi
Sorry, the second part of the answer got left behind (tech issues)!!!
Of course, it could all just be a joke. But, then it has stressed you out and so, you must let him know how much he is hurting you! His not calling you enough could be due to his busy schedule... As he is easing into his new life, so he might be clueless or just too busy to give you as much attention as before.
Anyway, how long has he been bullying you over this name issue? If it doesn't feel like a joke, then probably it isn't. However, you are both too young and this might just be a game to him... so talk it out. And yes, you might have to adjust with his calling you less frequently; but that doesn't mean that you should be ok with his behavior. Let him know how you miss his sweet self. Well, talk it out... hopefully it is all a joke.
CHeers. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): HiOK. What exactly are the two of you doing? I don't think that the problem is you not calling him by a loving nickname. The real problem is your disobedience. He thinks that you did not follow his wishes of addressing him by a chosen nickname! And now he is going to 'punish' you for it! You see what he is doing? This is a play of power, where, he is clearly the master and you clearly are the one who must obey or else... he will punish you. DO you really want to be that? His tool to make him feel more in control? We all want something from our loved ones, but we do not go around punishing them when they forget or whatever? My guess is that in college he is feeling a little overwhelmed by his current life and so he needs to believe that he still is 'something' by exercising some power over you. It is unacceptable. And you must let him know that. In a relationship, both are equal and the partners must treat each other with respect. If he doesn't have any, then I wonder just how invested he is in the relationship! So, talk to him. Tell him that you are not under his control or his slave to obey his commands and that you can call him by his proper name. The idea of his punishing you for it is too ridiculous to even imagine. Now, if he still seems to be riding his high horse, leave him on it for a while. This is not ok and he needs to know that.
...............................
|
