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female
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Jovial
writes:Hello there!It starts with: “Baby we need to talk” - “I think I need a space” or “I think we should break-up”, “Don’t worry we can still be friends”……… OUCH!Dumpee “Honey why? I thought we were tight” Baby please!!! I don’t understand cant youuuuu eish baby eish………I am sorry hun but I realised you and I are so different and I need time to think blah blah blah! Hello people aren’t the same, the fact that you are my partner means I don’t want you as a friend lets be clear on that! We can easily adjust from friends to lovers not visa versa people it hurts!I think the “I need space…let’s just be friends” thing is the oldest excuse in the book for “it’s over”. What does it really mean? - You suck? I don’t need you? I want someone else? You are stupid? I’m bored? I’m seeking my freedom so I can explore? What? I want to study? I need a new life without u? Whatever that is? You have just being dumped in such a way that you will be put in a ‘parking lot’ in case it takes time for the dumper to replace u. What is’t that a person can not achieve with a loving partner on the side hey? I just wish people will stop this emotional negligence and be totally honest of how they truly feel which is nothing really. Truth hurts but in the long-run it’s the best thing you can tell someone who really cares about you so that it becomes their choice to stop or not. Do not prolong the break-up because it prolongs the pain and longing, please care enough to tell it like it is.Its so humiliating and painful when u are looking forward to a moment with your significant other only to be told “Hang-on lovie I think I need some space from you”, “its not you its me”, I feel clustered I just need sometime to think”, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore”Wouldn’t it be marvelous to have an immediate response such as?“Oooh really hun remember u need to be really sure of how you feel because what you are saying means all this time we were together you were not thinking at all? Somehow you lost your identity? Is this genetic or it’s just a mishap on your side? Don’t sweat I get it just take as much time u think u will need to recollect your brain or find yourself as you say. However do not think I will be here when you do because I really need to be with someone with a brain! Someone who knows who they really are, what they want in and from a relationship, thank heavens you saw your lack of intelligence before I did, maybe it would have been very difficult for me to tell you to seek psychiatrist help if I noticed. I am so glad we don’t have kids imagine if one of them inherited your …………Hahaha only if it was that easy. I guess if it was your casual relationship and the dumper was not aware you might have the last laugh…….If you are the dumpee do you think you will do well by giving the dumper all the space that is needed?Probably you would because you are in the wrong side of the dump! But the pain will be unbearable and sleepless nights will follow suite because we are not equipped with an on/off button, if it was like that life would have been much easier our hearts would never be broken before it become sore you will just switch the ‘off’ button and voila the feelings are gone!Unfortunately the dumpee is overcome with sadness that he/she just want to be understanding if giving space means a little chance of getting back together in the near future. What they want it’s a little hope. What they fail to understand is that the dumper is not considering any space they had all the time to think about getting a time-off which means he/she has what we call an upper hand they are calling the shots. You were caught off-guard in your mind you thought your relationship was fine you were happy; if there were problems you thought your love was enough to survive whatever that caused the havoc. Or you were just too ignorant to notice your lover is not there anymore. You were in denial and the other thought the only way it will be easier for u to let them go is to ask for a space leaving you with false hope.Who of you had been asked for a space and later managed to reconcile? And it was better than ever please stand-up!You see it’s not even a handful if you manage to get it right it’s probably you really needed sometime apart not a space; this two are totally different:Time apart is an agreement between two loving partners who have realized love only is not enough to overcome their challenges and they decide to separate for a while because they know what they have its good to just throw away_____ Whereas Space is when the other realize the other is no longer good enough for them meaning you don’t meet the requirements anymore and the dumper thinks it will be better to have someone else or get involved to something else to fill the void he/she is not getting in the relationship and ones that is found the chances of getting back together ranges from never to 0.001%. So becareful not keep your hopes up when he/she says “I need space” know what it means for you as a lover and as a person and know what is best for you wait in limbo or move-on. Some uses the grey-line “I need space but the doors are not completely closed” in black and white is: “it’s over but we can still have sex if you want but remember it’s just for a while before I find someone to replace you” Is this some psychological insecurities the dumper find themselves in? You are not wanted but yet they don’t want to see you happy with someone else? Are you supposed to just switch your feelings on and off as soon as his/her majesty decides to take you back? If you are going to dump someone grow up from your insecuirities and stop messing them he/she deserves better and you have proved not to worth their while.Jovial Reply to this Article
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female
reader, Jovial +, writes (18 April 2008):
Jovial is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi all.
Thank you for all the wonderful comments
Regards
Jovial
A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (18 April 2008):
Jovial is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all.
Thank you for all the wonderful comments
Regards
Jovial
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A
female
reader, KimmyDee20  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 Hello Jovial,
Referring to what 'Danielepew' had written its true ... as the saying goes , 'truths hurt lies kill' i mean would you rather have someone lie to you or would you have have a guy respect you so much as a person by sitting with you and telling you whats on their mind........ and its true what 'Danielpew' said sometimes when they say they need to space its not really just space theyre talking about its there way of trying to move away from the situation rather dealing with it, some people can be upfront some cant so they use the 'space' escuse for an easy way out, however on your part on your articular i found it amazing and pretty much true so i know what you are trying to say in some aspect... and as we HATE to hear it its all part of life.. my advice to you is that the next person you decide to meet , try to hold your guard up a little bit so in the long run it wont be so daunting ....
hope this has kind of helped you in some way...
K.xxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Great article, Jovial. I particularly like these lines:
"Truth hurts but in the long-run it’s the best thing you can tell someone who really cares about you so that it becomes their choice to stop or not. Do not prolong the break-up because it prolongs the pain and longing, please care enough to tell it like it is."
From my time in Dear Cupid I have found that the dumper asks for "space", instead of telling it like it is, because
a) s/he wants an "easy" way out. By creating the false hope, the dumper avoids a situation s/he wouldn't like to face. That is, the dumper is thinking only about him/herself.
b) the dumper doesn't have the strength to tell it like it is, even if s/he would like to,
c) the dumper thinks this is how your feelings will suffer less. Wrong, but dumpers make mistakes in their judgments, too.
The other side of the coin, for the dumpee, is to understand it's over and act that way.
I commend you on this article, Jovial.
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