A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive recently been spending alot of time with this guy. he says he loves being with me and around me but he says he cant be with me, like offically in a relationship. i dont understand if someone loves being with another person they should be together. he says that we are just seeing how things go and getting to know each other rather then rushing into anything, however i dont understand as we are quite intimate even though we havent yet slept together. hes asking for time but still wants me around whilst he is making a decision... i dont understand where i stand or what to do and i really do wanna be with him... HELP! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhmmm that helps alot... so conclusion: keep seeing him but without the physical side and just get to know each other... though wont this be awkward as we'll go from being intimate friends to just simply friends... do u guys think that i should not see him as much and talk to him as much whilst he's thinking about things or should things just carry on as normal just without the physical??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I agree with "Uncle Phil", if you really want to be with this guy, you will have to give him some time; PATIENCE, don't rush into things;
Yes, and hold back a little on the intimacy; wait for the rest of the relationship to develop; when building a house, it is important the foundation is done properly; see it the same with building a relationship; get to know each other well; make sure you are compatible, that there is trust, love and respect;
If this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, vow, hang in there; invest a little time; make sure; it is not like buying a car; when not happy just trade in; marriage is commitment;
Take time and enjoy things with him; don't sweat the small stuff!
Hope this gives you a little more clarity;
Keep smiling and lots of good wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I agree with Uncle Phil - hold off on the physical side of the relationship with this guy so that he HAS to make up his mind about whether he wants a relationship with you or whether you will just stay (non-intimate) friends. What you are doing now is just muddying the waters between you. You are doing yourself no favours by allowing things to continue as they have been as he is neither getting the incentive to commit to you or leaving you free to meet someone else in time who *will* give you the relationship you deserve.
To use an old phrase, "He's not going to buy the whole cow if he's getting the milk for free"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Perhaps in the past he's rushed or been coerced into a relationship that turned sour and he'd rather that didn't happen again. Being with someone and living with that person are two completely different things, so I'd advise you to bide your time. What will be will be, one way or the other.
Relationships do take time to develop and he's being fairly sensible in seeing how things progress with you.
Maybe he's just not as keen on the idea as you are. Hold off on the intimacy bit for the time being until you're both quite certain where this budding relationship is going.
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