A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a man 33 with two young children for approx the last 4 months. He has a 6 year old and a 3 year old with his ex. I have met all his family and we talk all the time over the phone til late at night and spend most weekends together. He told me that they broke up about a year ago, but its wasn't until just recently that he has sorted out his joint accounts with her and he also said to me that they havent told the children that they are separated. until recently he was in the army and whilst he was away he just left all the finances to her etc... but now he is back and started to sort things out. He visits them twice a week in the eve for a few hours to make dinner for the kids and put them to bed then leaves. He also sees them every other weekend sat and sun during the days. He doesnt stay over, but only once for one eve over christmas so that he ex could go out and drink etc... and he was worried about the kids. I spoke to him that night till quite late, so I beleive thats all it was. But has said since that i dont think that sends the right signals to his ex, especially and I am not sure of this but if she wants to get back with him. Anyway that aside He also said that he doesent want to tell his ex that he is seeing someone because of fear she will stop him from seeing his kids etc.... I am not sure how I should feel about this? I am 30 and I dont have any children. I would like some in the future if time and person is right etc...But I am concerned about the fact that he hasnt told his kids, I know they are young but I asked him how he explains why he isnt there and he replied the boy is too young to know and the girl is used to him being away when she was growing up, as he was away with the army so they just say daddys at work. I asked him is his ex there when he goes round and he replies no, she goes and and on the weekends he takes them out on his own. So does this mean that when he sees them twice a week and every other weekend she is always not there I find that hard to believe and if this is true, how can he explain that to the kids. I guess I just do not know what to make of the situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Mmmmm. Its a difficult one because yes the children are used to him being away but I think there is going to come a point soon when, if he is serious about you, then he needs to come clean with them and his wife. I think you are entitled to become more involved in his life but for now I think you need to take things at his pace. One thing you could agree with him is some kind of timescale - that you are supporting him of course and his decision, but maybe agree when would be a good time to take things forward. That way you both know where you stand and it does not need to be a continual topic of annoyance. It sounds like he is feeling guilty somewhat regarding the children but to say his 3 year old is too young to know is not quite true - anyone with a 3 year old will know they pick up on a great deal. Anyway.. cut this guy some slack but you need commitment too. Ask him to meet you half way. Whatever you do - do not waste time with a man who is not able or willing to be with you properly. Yes you are 30 and indeed your 30s could disappear with you sacrificing your own chance to have children waiting for this guy to get things sorted.
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