A
female
age
41-50,
*oCal2SanAntoLatina
writes:I recently read a post where the woman didn't know what to do because get man was still visiting online dating sites even though they are together and so neither of them are no longer single. I wanted to answer her, yet I can't honestly give her advice because I'm going thru the same situation. I confronted my Man about it. He apologized and we made it thru it. Yet I recently found a couple NEW accounts. I don't know what to do AGAIN. And I feel REALLY stupid about it. He has my heart and my children's hearts too. We're engaged, live together, and have been together for 3yrs. I believe he loves me but don't understand why he's doing this. I have always been the one with the bigger sexual appetite. SO much that He told me to calm down and that relationships aren't ALWAYS ALL about sex. Yet besides the dating sites, he pays more attention to Porn that ME!! I'm feeling so worthless and My self esteem is grounding rock bottom. Before, he'd tell me that my confidence was so attractive and sexy. How can I have confidence if I can't even compete with internet homewreckers! What do I do?
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confidence, engaged, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 You say you are confident? Then gain more confidence and leave this waste off space. You are deluded if you think this man is in love with you. Yes he may love you but he is not in love with you, if he was he would not be looking to porn when he has you waiting for him and he would not be reaching out to other women when he has you. He is a liar and a cheat. What he is doing is emotional cheating and he will never stop because you are allowing him to get away with it. The women online are not home wreckers they are probably innocent women looking for a single man, and he is probably lying to them as well. Do yourself and your children a favor and get rid off him, its the only way you are ever going to gain back the confidence you need.
A
female
reader, flame5851  +, writes (22 May 2017):
My partner was doing the same so I blocked all date sites
He now has a game where he can talk dirty to ladies I don't know what to do either
So if I was you get your broadband provider to block date sites
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (21 May 2017):
How much of this abuse are you willing to take? He's beating you down mentally and emotionally. You say he has your heart but I have to ask why?
The women on these sites aren't home wreckers. They don't know you exist. They are almost as much victims as you are. He no doubt tells them that he is single. So he is deceiving them and wasting their time. You need to realize that he is a bad guy and he will continue to treat you and your family like dirt as long as you let him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2017): You need to love yourself enough to not put up with this. He is proving you can't trust him. If he valued your relationship, he wouldn't be doing this.
Things will just get worst, because he is making you feel like you aren't good enough. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2017):
 My guess is you feel you HAVE to keep him around because he is part (in a way) of your little family and that quitting is not an option.
Unfortunately, you CAN continue with this man just know that NOTHING will change. You will NEVER be able to trust him fully.
You two have several things going "against" you as a couple.
1. He IS STILL looking for someone. If he was happy and satisfied with YOU as his partner there would be NO need for dating profiles.
2. You are not well matched sexually. He prefers HIS own hand & porn to you. I think that is really because he is trying to maintain CONTROL over you. By withholding sex from you and telling you to "calm down"... HE has put himself in charge of the sex in the relationship.
3. You are NOT doing your kids any favors by keeping him around. He LIES to you as easily as snow falls in winter. Do you think HE put YOU or your KIDS before his own needs for attention and doing WHATEVER he wants online?
4. You don't hold HIM responsible for his actions AT ALL, because you rather KEEP him around in the "name of love" than be single. It's NOT "internet homewreckers" who get online and sign up on dating websites - IT IS YOUR BF! They don't go CHASING your "man" - he is out there CHASING other women and probably lying to them about his relationship status.
Get your head out of the sand, OP - your BF might have good qualities but the ones that YOU want and crave (such as honesty, trust, and fidelity) is NOT part of who he is.
If you stay with him he will continue to DO as he pleases. And you will start to monitor his every move hoping to "catch and control" what "bad" stuff he is doing. You will find that YOUR focus of the relationship becomes even MORE unhealthy than it is right now.
Do you REALLY want your kids to grow up with a mom who lets her "man" walk all over her?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 May 2017):
 The women on the dating sites aren't the homewreckers; YOUR BLOKE IS. Most women are looking for SINGLE men, not someone who is already in a relationship. I doubt he is telling them he is engaged otherwise most would run a mile.
What are you getting from this relationship? Is it worth how he makes you feel?
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