A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Quite complicated! Here it goes:I was unhappy om my marriage and after 3 years of friendship with a co-worker we started to see each other. His girlfriend of 5 years left him because she wanted to marry him, but he was confused. After she left him, he dated two more girls and realised he wanted her back. We were very good friends, but in this confusion we started to see each other.After a year I fall in love with him, then I left my husband. As soon I left my husband he went distand and we were not the same anymore. I felt unhappy then I broke up with him, three days later I sow him on the tube with another girl. They were coming from his house in the morming. I was very upset, I lost y mind, but after 2 days I decided to fight to have him back. He said that he was not guilty because I broke up with him. He said that he loved me but he did want be the guy who broke my marriage. He said that I should spend some time on my own and not get into another relationship so soon.I understood that. Then I invited him for a weekend awayd. He ignored me. Then I started to date other guys and he knew. He was very jeolous. I told him that I would stop seem other guys if we were back together and that I loved him. He said he was confused and he needed time to think about it. I decided to forget about him and take care of my life. I treated him like a coleague only and very cold. I erased him from my life and memories.It was very hard. After 3 months I got very ill and my husband gave me lof of support. I got back to my husband and we are trying to work on our relationship. I see this co-worker everyday and we are both managers of this company. I avoid to talk to him and I sent e-mails instead. He knows I went back to my husband. Now after 6 months. He is aproaching me again. I am polite and treat him well and we now talk about business only. He is aproaching me again. He says I am beautifull all the time. He sends me text saying that he misses me very much and he still loves me and it hurts me I still have feelings for him. Why is he doing this? Shall I tell him that I moved on and ask him to move on and stop or Shall I just leave it?I don't know what is going to happen between me and my husband, but I don't need a tird person in my life now, even though I still love him. My husband is not perfect, but he is caring and he loves me for sure. I care about him, but we do not have sex. I don't feel like having sex at all and actually I was so hurt that I don't feel it is worth to leave my husband to have any other relationship with men. I don't trust man anymore. Can you advise?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): you have a serious desicion to make.. why look else where when all you need is right there in front of you.
your husband ..caring, giving you would be a fool to leave that for a fling..you are doingthe same thing my wife did and now she is sorry..blablabla.. too late dont find your self in that category of the people that realize that they have lost a good person and could have avoided it!!!
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 I would let him know he needs to back off. Let him know that one time should be all you need to state for him to move on, and that any other comments can be construed as inappropriate workplace behavior.
Your other issues are psychological. Your lack of trust in men is psychological. If you were driving your car, and it broke down, could you assume all vehicles you may have will break down or have a potential too. You are judging all men, because of the behaviors and choices of one man.
I have abnormal associations before as well. I was with some who had cheated. I stayed single for over a year, simply because of my association. "Love = pain." I think of neuro associations as psychological algebra. The formula for mine was: I loved her, she cheated on me, her actions caused pain, therefore love must equal pain.
We do that too often. Associate to a group, of a single cause, instead of leaving the blame with the cause itsself. As in yours, because a man commited the act that causes pain, you now don't trust men, because the person you lost trust for is male.
I wish you luck with your husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): It sounds like having yourself committed to a hospital might be your best bet. Your own confusion as to who you are and what you want is leaving a trail of wounded soldiers.
You definitly need to get your head on straight and stop thinking for a while, it is only making the problems worse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I would try to salvage your marriage. Your husband stood by you in your illness and he wouldn't do that if he didn't love you. I understand that you still have some feelings for the other guy, but it wasn't really working out, and I would bet it would never make it to a long term relationship. Tell him to back off and that you don't want to be involved with him other then what you have to do at your job. You may want to consider getting a new job to get away from him. Make him understand its over for good.
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