A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i am in a bit of a situation.long story really, but here we go. I have been with my partner for 5.5 years, and we had planned on movign to another country where i was brought up, we planned this for 2 years, but when it came to the crunch this year in feb, she told me she could not go as she didnt want to leave her family here. Ok i said, well i am still going as its been my life dream to return to my country and see my family whom i have not seen for 25 years. she understood this and i said i would just go one day and leave her a note as it was to upsetting to say good bye. she understood this and we started to distance ourselves from each other, maybe me more than her. well the time to go took longer and longer as buisness had to be wound up, i was working away a lot and never home. I stupoidly got involved with another woman whilst workign away much younger and this came to a head a few months later with my partner finding out and having a fit about it. as i had said we were driffting apart and seperating ourselves, I became depressed and still am, I want to go home to my country, but have still to sell my buisness and tie up things here, I am still with my partner who watches my every move and tracks me like a criminal. I resent her for not coming with me and feel that is what pushed me to go elsewhere as i have always been faithfull to her till that point. i am now still with my partner but still want to go home, I hate being tagged and watched and questioned, i resent the fact she had us planning for 2 yers where we were goign to go the property we were looking at and al along she was not going to go. i am so depressed with my life and the fact my partner wants to stay but feel guilty for cheating on her. what do i do as i dont know what decision to make with my life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Sounds like you have both betrayed each other. She crushed your dream to move abroad, but you crushed her dream by being unfaithful.
But why is it taking you so long to move back to your homeland? You talk about your business, but if this is such an important part of your life, surely you can just pack up and leave? Maybe your girlfriend got used to you talking about moving and it never happening? Are you serious about this?
Maybe you are rethinking the move and you want to stay. In that case your relationship needs some serious work. Forget about everything that happened in the past. You need a clean slate but remember your girlfriend's trust in you has been shaken to the core. You need professional counselling. And this takes a serious level of commitment, in other words, no more talking about moving to another country.
If you are serious about moving then you need to let your girlfriend get on with her life. Say whatever you need to say, say sorry, but most of all leave her alone. Might sound harsh but how can you start a new life abroad if you are still agonising over your relationship? You've been talking about moving for ages, how does your girlfriend know you are being real about this, or is this another plan that never happens?
I hope this helps. S.
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