A
female
age
36-40,
*osycheeks
writes:I dont know if what I want in a guy exists? I meet lots of guys, and they are interested, but I always find myself wanting to combine them. Cant seem to get all the qualities in one person. At the moment, I have guy 1 and guy 2, guy 1 is reliable and consistent and is after the same things I am in life, but I know what I can expect.. and lacks a bit of get up and go energy for me.. which in the grand scheme is almost perfect.guy 2 is the opposite, has plenty of get up and go and excitement, hes the action man, and physically I prefer him. But is unreliable and very busy. We find it hard to find time to meet up, when he isnt busy I am. Busy as in away often with work. I was away for 3 weeks, on my return he was away for 4 weeks, but we keep in touch a lot. Now we are both back, he is away for 4 days, then once he is back i am away for 2 weeks etc.They are both on my tail. But I don't know whether I should make a go with one or the other, or put them both to the side and keep searching. I'm in no rush for a bf, but when I do I want to be swept off my feet, hook line and sinkered. But does that happen? I really do like both guys. I go on holiday soon, so it'll be nice to take time out.
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female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (8 August 2011):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had a good talk with myself over the last few days, had a bit of a soul search session.. And it's reassuring to hear that not always everything is perfect. And yes, I am not perfect either in the eyes of the guy :) Guy 1 is amazing, and if I have fun with him, then why not give it ago, he might not be my action man, but he just a about ticks everything else, so far. I'll just keep enjoying it.
I appreciated your responses. Very helpful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): Hey!I understand your position. I used to dream of my "perfect" Prince Charming too, and I missed out on a few potentially good relationships because those boys couldn't meet up to my expectations. And then I learned a powerful lesson when I started dating my current boyfriend. Life is NOT a Disney movie. There is no such thing as a perfect Prince Charming who will ride up to your front door on a white horse, sweep you off your feet, and ride you out into the sunset. As much as I wished that could happen, I had to open my eyes to reality. But, what I found in my "imperfect" boyfriend, I found so much better and more amazing than I ever imagined in my fantasy prince. My boyfriend does some pretty crazy things, has his own opinion on things, and we fight sometimes and then make up, but that's what makes my relationship with him worth wild! He's shown me a world that I never would have found if I waited on the prince that doesn't even exist. You'd be amazed how the unexpected can make a relationship FEEL perfect. Maybe you're not ready to date any of those two guys right now, or maybe you just need some time to decide. I wasn't sure if I wanted to date my boyfriend at first, because I didn't know if he could live up to my expectations, but trust me, I'm so glad I did. Maybe one of these could do the same for you. Perfect is boring.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (5 August 2011):
 You need to accept that the perfect person does not exist. You yourself are not perfect, either, but if these men are chasing you, they've likely figured that out and come to terms with it.
I'd say what you ought to do is stay single until you can really accept that no one will ever be perfect. If you date an imperfect man before you really internalize that lesson, it will only end poorly, and your time together will cheat him out of the relationship he deserves.
Don't get too hung up on it, though. It's very common for people to want the absolute best, to never compromise or settle. You're normal, in that sense.
I suspect that part of what you want in a man is the lack of reliability. That Man #1 would actually be perfect if he would just find a reason to be too busy for you once in a while, and that Man #2 is attractive partly because he's not a sure thing. We always want that which is just barely out of reach (it's part of the appeal of gambling). If that's the case, you'll need to come to terms with the fact that stable relationships tend to make guys more reliable; if you're in it for the chase, a boyfriend would not be the way to go. I couldn't say for certain if that's true, only make a guess. You have to honestly figure out for yourself if that's the case. Good luck.
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