| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi there. I'm really in a bind here.So it all started about 2 months ago when my girlfriend of 3 and a half years said she needed a break. We'd had a few problems in the past. We both live at our parents houses still because i have been saving up to put a downpayment on a condo (she'd still a student). She didnt give me many answers at the time so i found it very hard to take a break as we were truly deeply in love for a very long time. For about a month, we still talked on the phone very frequently (about 5-6 times a week) and still saw each other at least once a week, sometimes twice. And always talked about our issues. She'd say she doesn't know if she feels the same anymore, its the hardest thing to hear because its not really an answer. I tried everything to rekindle the feelings and passion we once had, bought flowers, wrote love letters, told her that i truly love her and really think we could rekindle things but nothing worked. She still said she loved me (which made it very difficult to give up trying )but said she needs to be alone to figure out her own feelings. I vowed to myself to keep fighting for this as long as she told me she loved me.About a month ago, i was working late at the office and decided to show up at her house with flowers and a letter describing all my feelings in detail. When i pulled up to her house, to my dismay, she was having a cigareete on her porch with one of my friends. I was absolutely devastated. I yelled at them, me and the guy briefly fought and then he left. She later told me they'd been seeing each other in secret for about 3 weeks (a week after she asked for the break, so she says).I didnt talk to her for a couple weeks after that but wrote her a letter after saying how distraught i was and that i still even loved her after all of this. She called me a few days later saying she read the letter and shes still confused. She said shes going to stop seeing this new guy so she can really figure out what she wants and maybe we can work at things slowly, but she still wants to remain freinds with the other guy. I couldnt handle that and said if she wants to work at it with me, she cant talk to this new guy. She said she would try.I went on vacation after this for a week and when i returned, found out she had been seeing him while i was gone and now is spending new years with him. i really am confused as to if she is really confused or she is just playing with me or if she is just letting me down lightly. i dont know if i could ever trust her again after this whole situation but i still love her deeply, even after all of this. i dont know why, but i want her back after all of this, i truly think she was just confused. what should i do?????i can't think about anything else, i think this is slowly driving me crazy. im sorry for the length of this message.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Hey, you must be the confused one here! I'm a woman and I honestly think that she is stringing you along....if she really loved you she would have never done this in the first place. Can you seriously consider being with her after this? Even if you love her, you'll never be able to trust her now and that will be like a living hell. Trust me, I've been there. The constant worry of whether the person has met someone else or is going off of you. It changes you completely and its seriously not worth it. Very few relationships work after some form or lying or cheating goes on. You may think its easier to try and be with her than without her but you won't think that if you stay with her, it becomes exhausting having that worry. Even though it doesn't feel like it, you will get over it. Continuing to see her is prolonging the heartache.
Whilst she is choosing which one of you she wants to be with, neither of you are meeting other people, so she's having her cake and eating it.
I say you make the decision for her and tell her you are not an option because you know you deserve and can do alot better!
You've done your best to work things out but sometimes you have to walk away with your dignity and throw in the towel.
A
female
reader, CurvesAndConvergence +, writes (1 January 2007):
okay so it seems to me like their doing it. she's trying to find a way to put you down without causing to much drama. i dont know why she would be doing this to you, you sound really sweet & it seems like you really care about her. i dont know whats on her biscut but its not worth it for you, find someone that has respects you like you respect them. and i highly doubt it one of those "relationship tests"
good luck in whatever your decision may be. think long term in this one.
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A
female
reader, Pretty and proud  +, writes (1 January 2007):
 hey, before i start, long letters are the best because i can really see into your mibd and relate to how you must be feeling. love is like a war easy to start hard to end impossible to forget. this must be real rough for you but you are best letting go and moving on, why dont you try going out with friends just keep yourself busy and it wont hurt as much, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on i'll be here for you xxx
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