A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been married for about 3 yrs. 2 yrs ago he has started gambling and we have lost everything. I have tried to stop him but now we are at the verge of losing the house, car and everything.We argued so much, there seems to be no communication at all. I detest him for putting me in such a situation because i know that i would be so much better off without him. He borrowed money from my family and fails to return them, he borrowed from his family and did not return any, and he still owes me $35000. I cannot love a man that owes me money and not taking care of me. I dont have a job and i need my money to move on.When i think of leaving him, my heart softens and i feel bad. But when i try to talk sense into him i go crazy. We are asians living in Hawaii. I have always thought that he would be a responsible man but all he does is disgust me. And yet why am I so afraid of leaving? I just don't have the courage to be alone, without him. I don't know if i still love this man or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): Hi im a 48 year old women who has been married for 29 years this july i have 2 adult children 1boy 1girl who are living there own lives now, so my husband and i have the house to our selves besides two little dogs.WE both work hard now which i didn't do till 2004 after raising my kids then thought its time for me.I don't know if i still love my husband i have'nt felt that my for some tim e our marriedge has'nt been easy, when we met we drank and partied a lot but when i had got pregnant i slowed down he did'nt he played and whatched foot ball drank a lot and i raised the kids pracically on my own, we fought a lot we split a couple of times.We have been to that many councerling sections ive lost count now were on our own we should be in our glee but insteed we are in seperate rooms and i dont now how i feel we don't do any thing together except go out for a meal but he drinks and i have to drive home that caused a lot of arguments at times. I know he says he loves me but he only shows it when things are going bad then he crawels a lot, i can't stand how he smells when he drinks, it turns me of advive from friends at work has been to leave as ive been talking about it for six years mow and there tied of hearing it, i could go on but it would take for ever i don't now what to do i still care as a friend but is that enough.
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 as your confused about loving him, well you should already kno the answer to that. when your in a long term relationship and you fall out of love it is very hard to leave, but only because your so used to that partner and lifestyle. there is no point in staying with someone when your not happy, nor trying to keep a relationship going after someone has betrayed your trust! he may not have cheated with another person but everytime he gambles, hes not just toying with money he is also toying with your heart and emotions. have courage, and move on from him. i kno what its like trying to support someone you care about through an addiction and untill they can give it up willingly by themselves no matter how much you try it will never work. you deserve to be happy just as everyone else does in this world. and wanting that and leaving him to accomplish that is by no means selfish so dont think it is. i hope Ive helped you at least a little bit. good luck :)
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