A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i moved to here around 5 years ago so my natural social network is not in where i live now. especially now i find it more difficult than ever as i started working full-time and most of my uni friends are gone back to different places. but this doesnt mean that i dont have social at all, i still see my friends and have fun but not as much as i used to.that was a background info:)me and my boyfriend have been together for more than a year and a half.he says im perfect for him, im his dream girl and he wouldnt want to change anything about me. this year he was still in the uni, doing his final year and he has worked really hard- that he is even aiming for first grade. im proud of him that he knows his responsibilities and most of his friends go out clubbing all the time and he has been studying really hard and plus working during the weekends. and i believed i did my best to support him- before started working full time i was in the library helping him sometimes till late nights and even after i got a job, i still helped him as much as i can.when he was studying til late, i would cook for him or give him my keys (as i live so close to his uni)so that he doesnt need to go back to his hoem late or stay the whole night in the library and etc etc..our main problem is that i dont get to be involved much with his social life with his friends.we have talked about this many times but each time he says the next time, the next time. yes i have met his friends a few times but i guess especially now i rely on my social life to him more than i should. we both met each others family -even though mine doesnt live here- sometimes, not always i expect them to invite me around or even him invite me to hs place. i guess there are many points to this as he hasnt experienced what i am experiencing (living in a country away from your family and friends) but i dont blame him for this, ofcourse he has got nothing to do with his but he could maybe ease this by showing some understanding.. he hasnt been out for long time and there was this birthday party of his friends and eventhough he said he will invite him, 3 days before the party he has he has changed his mind, he has "you wouldnt like it anyway because you dont know my friends. can i not just have fun with my friends? why do you always get like this when i say i want to go out with my friends etc etc".. to be honest it hurt me so much when he said "can i not have fun with my friends?" maybe its the way he said it, cos to me it meant like he has more fun with his friends. at the end he admitted he messed up by saying he will invite me and changing his mind later. so i tried to be understanding and move on and he said he is lucky to have a girlfriend like me that im so understanding and all..2 weeks after, he didnt call me all day (which he claimed he sent me a text but i ahvent received anything) and when i called him he said he is going out with his friends and he will see me tomorrow.. i was thinking for almost a year we havent done anything together properly, we havent had a quality time and the moment he had free time, he wants to spend with his friends and dont even bother to invite me nevermind saying he is going out - until i called him and found out. we had a talk yesterday and it is all the same, he said he deserves to have fun wth his friends etc etc. dont i deserve to have fun with him after all that waiting and supporting and all? we seemed to make up at the end. he later sent me a text saying thanks for your understanding and i dont want to lose you and i know its more on me to make things better. so he admits that he needs to get me involved more but then why is he doing the same thing? i mean ofcourse i know there will be times when he will hang out with his friends without me, and i even told him that i dont want to make him my own prisoner, i want him to have fun with his friends but i just want to have the luxury to say no to him when he invites me out. but because it is so rare for him to invite me, then i feel like i shouldnt miss the opportunity. and sometimes even though i dont want to join him, i feel like each time he says he wants to go out with his friends, i have to fight back just to get me invited - but deep down im not even sure if i want to go- it just becomes like a cat fight.and today after making up yesterday i wanted to spend today with him as also we havent seen eachother for 4 days or so but he says he just wants to chill out on his own! this kinda offended me as i thought we only made up yesterday and he kept saying he doesnt want to lose me and loves me so much and why he doesnt want to spend time with me:(apart from all this, he is a nice decent guy that is committed to me. i know you cant ever know but it is a feeling that im sure he is committed to me because he is the type of a guy that would go into someone else's arms the next min he is finished with me but not when he is with me. and i think he has come a long way since we started but sometimes he hurts me so much by things like this. i even got to the point when i see couples holding hands and laughing together i envy them so badly and i wish i could be like them. i am tired of arguing, each time we argue, i end up crying and feeling insecure and im not sure if things will get any better or if i should wait a bit more and see how things goes and maybe i should be more relaxed and not take things too personally.. but i dont seem to have the courage to walk away eitehr as deep down i still think i love him and he loves me, he is just acting immature sometimes.. what should i? what do i need to change? i just dont know anymore.. thanks for your time
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