A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello this is kind of long but I really need help. I have never been a needy person, one year ago I move to this country, to USA, because I received a job offer just out of college. I got the job of my dreams, and profesionally I feel very well, but my personal life has become a mess. Once I got here it has been extremelly dificult meet people of my age because of the cultural differences and the people that work with me are old people, so I feel very very lonely here. I get depress very often, and I cry because I feel different and lonely, even when i have been doing always everything right( I mean go to college, good grades, went to graduate school) my family reject me a lot. They forget my birthdates, and they don't care about spending any important holiday with me. It is like everything is more important than me.Recently I meet this guy that is wonderfull, he has treated me like a princess since day one, when we are together everything is perfect. We both have tight schedules because our jobs require a lot of time, and besides he is going to college also. I always try to mantain myself bussy, but i can't avoid to miss him when we are not together, because he is the only one thing that I have here in this city. We have been together for a little bit more than 7 months. At the begining he told me that he didn't wanted to be in a relationship because of the fear of loose his freedom and because he is the kind of person that once he gets into a relationship he can't break up with the person. He said that the freedom that he is talking about is not the freedom for been messing around with other women, we was exclusive since day one. Now things has change, and he is working as much as I am to make this relationship work, and he is giving me a place in his life, if he has a problem or something good that happen to him he always turn to me first. I want also to clarify that always since the begining even when he say that he didn't wanted a relationship, I was having all its benefict of that, like seeing eachother around 3 times a week, calling, texting and email regulary, great sex. But my problem with all this is that even when we both share strong feelings for eachother and I have never been needy, I am in a position that it is very easy been needy because I am alone in this country and I don't know anyone, and the people I know don't match with my personality. I can't avoid feeling myself alone and depress, and rejected with my family, also even when i am 27 years old I have only been with one guy before my current boyfriend. My ex and I were together for 5 years, he was controlling and wanted to be with me 24/7. My current boyfriend is normal, he give me my space, but I can't avoid feel lonely, and I am extremelly scare that he reject me as my family does with me. Because of this it is so dificult for me to trust my boyfriend, when he tells me he miss me I don't believe him, even when in the bottom of my heart I know he is telling me the truth. Sometimes he can't see me because he is very bussy, and I always tell him that it is fine, that I understand because it is his career, but I can't avoid feel rejected, even when again, in the botton of my heart I know the guy is really bussy( I have confirm that), he has even give up time with his friends to be with me. At this point I don't know if I should stay with him or not, I don't know if I should talk to him about this, he is really wonderfull, he is even learning spanish( which is my first language) to be able to talk to me, even when he is foreing(we are from differents ethnicities, i am hispanic he is european) like me also. I am his first real relationship and I am the first person he really have strong feelings for. So I don't know what to do, if someone could give me some advice would be very appretiated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): All I can say is, dont give up on this guy.From what you say he cares for you deeply. Cherish what you have with him and the time you spend together. Not many people have the chance to have what you have.I do feel for you on the family front though, they sound really selfish and heartless. Just remember its not your fault or problem, its theirs. Try not to judge anyone else by their standards and their treatment of you. Moving to a new country is very hard, I have done it myself but you will get there in time. Why dont you suggest to your boyfriend that you would like him to introduce you to a few people.Good Luck x
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