A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 32 year boyfriend has everything going for him: he's funny, smart, attractive, physically healthy, with a decent job and a girlfriend who loves him. In all rights he should be happy but the problem is he isn't really living, merely going through the motions. We started dating a year ago and he warned me at the time that he'd been in a rut for the last few years: he doesn't get excited about things, present or future and has no motivation to make any commitments whether its to play ball or take a weekend trip. Although he is very funny and often the center of attention, he confided that its mostly an act and that he only "entertaining" people to get through the day. Other things I've picked up on are: he is obsessed with working out almost every day, but then constantly skips meals; he complains about his family and friends and has a generally negative outlook on life. By the end of the day he is usually so exhausted that he passes out before we can really spend any quality time together. The sex, when we have it, is unbelievable, the best of my life, but in the year that we've dated he's never once initiated it. Although he tells me that I'm sexy and turn him on and obviously enjoys himself in the moment, it always seems like its so much work to get him going. I've tried to be patient and understanding but honestly my frustration is starting to get the better of me. I've considered that there may be something seriously wrong with him like depression or OCD but when I try and approach the subject he blows it off as if getting help is beneath him and not something "a real man would need". As much as I love him, his negativity is starting to wear on me and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to be happy for the both of us. I know he has to make himself happy but it kills me seeing him like this and knowing I can't do anything to help. Do I have a reason to be worried about his health or am I just involved with someone who is self-absorbed and unappreciative of what life has given him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 I think he may be depressed. Many people who are suffering from depression don't even realize it. Maybe you can research it on the web and print out a few articles for him (symptoms etc.) maybe he'll read them and then be more open to getting help. There's not much else you can do until he recognizes the problem. Good luck.
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