A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man at work, who is married and older. I think we are just friends, and he has made statements saying that we are friends. But sometimes he does things that makes me feel like there's something more (and I don't want something more). For example, he'll touch me (take my arm, put his hand on the small of my back, put his arm around me), take me out to lunch, constantly compliment me (like saying he enjoys spending time with me, that he is doing something only for me, etc). To be honest, I don't really have many male friends, so I'm not sure if what he's doing is normal as a friend or not. I mean it doesn't seem normal to me, but maybe I don't know what male-friends are like. (And to be even more honest, despite my age, I don't have much experience with men in general....)And what worries me the most is the fact that he has a wife. I feel like if I were his wife I'd be upset. Though I don't know her and never met her, I don't want to disrespect her that way. But again, maybe I'm overthinking this and being a bit crazy and there's nothing to worry about. If I'm not overreacting, I want to either say or do something to get out of this awkward situation. But I want to be sure I have some basis before doing that not only because I have to work with this man but because he really is a nice fun guy that I do like as a friend. So am I imagining things or should I say/do something? And if I do/say something, what should I say or do?I'm very confused.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): "How would I feel if I was his wife?" This tells me you've got a good head on your shoulders. If the answer is "Uncomfortable" then you know what you have to do.
Those actions by him may be innocent, but I'd lean toward alterior motives. Even if they are not something he would ever act upon, it still seems a bit much to me. Then again, it may be just how he is. However if that's the case, you'll likely see him acting in a similar manner with other people too.
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (5 April 2010):
 This is not normal. You need to tell him where you stand in this relationship (friendship). The next time you are uncomfortable, let him know directly. Don't let there be a gray area. Only eat lunch with him if there are other coworkers going also.
If he doesn't stop, tell a supervisor. If he is the supervisor, quit. And remember, you are not at fault, he is.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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