A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I am in a year and three month relationship, and right now it's going good, but I'm still having some doubts. The reason I am having doubts is because about 8 months ago, my boyfriend and i moved in together, and since then, it's been a roller-coaster. We moved in together because we are both from different small towns, and had been doing a long distance relationship for the first 7 or 8 months, seeing each other only on the weekends, and i was moving away for university, so he convinced me to move in with him, instead of living in residence.About two months into our living together, we started fighting non-stop, every day. Never failed. I was stressed, he was stressed, and I was being pretty horrible with him. Two or three months after that, we almost broke up, and didn't, so we talked about our issues, and I understood what I was doing, and it was pushing him away. When we went on that break, he told me he still loved me, but was not as attracted to me anymore, and then took it back that same night, saying that he didn't mean it (but i knew he did). When we got back together (we didn't speak or see each other for a week after him saying that) we decided on working things out, because we still loved each other, and missed each other. Since then, I have changed quite a bit, relaxing more, but he has been the one stressing out to the max. He started stressing out so much like three months ago (bills and credit, money and work stuff, it was really bad and is JUST starting to get better) Anyway, he would basically just shut me out, and wouldn't pay as much attention to me, and would go with his guy friends more and more, and not call or text all night, or be late by a lot. We had a talk, and he has been really good since maybe a week and a half ago, getting back to his old self, and stressing less, but we have not had sex for a month and a week now. The reason I'm asking advice is because I get that he was stressed not too long ago, but he's been good for a week and a half, and we still haven't done anything, because he is sick (which he is, but it wouldn't stop me? haha) He has never been sex crazed, but I feel like he's still not attracted to me. We cuddle, and he tells me he loves me and everything mushy on the side, and tells me he just doesn't like to have sex that much. To me, it doesn't make sense because every guy I know loves it almost every day. I don't know if he's actually stressed and tired, or if he's just making up excuses to not be with me in that way? Anyway .. Advice please :)Thanks!
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female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (10 April 2011):
I've been through phases like that: the better the relationship is doing the better the sex, whereas the more fighting and stressed the relationship is, the less sex happens and the sex is worse. If he has been stressed and sick and your relationship has been strained, he probably just is not in the mood for sex. Chances are that he may be less attracted to you, not because he doesn't love you, etc, but because after fighting, you see the person somewhat differently, and can't separate the issues from the person. Add to that the fact that you have been living together for a good amount of time, the drive for sex goes down after the honeymoon period. Instead of seeing the new girlfriend that he wants to pounce on like in the beginning, he sees his sort of "wife": the person he lives with, fights with about chores and bills, etc. Don't worry, it's very possible to revive the sex life. It's already getting better if the 2 of you have resolved some of the stress and fighting. So just focus on enjoying the fight-free time you are having right now. Enjoy spending time together and reaffirm your relationship. The sex life will improve with an improvement in the relationship. Wait until there's a good time (he isn't stressed) and the 2 of you are happy and enjoying time together, and get dressed up and seduce him. The guys that want sex everyday are the guys that are not getting it on a regular basis. They are the guys with new partners and new relationships. Or they are the rare guys that have very high sex drives. Or they are the guys that are in long term relationships but both the partners are working at keeping the flame alive by trying different things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Hey girl I guess you should just give him some time.Both of you have just undergone a terrible phase in life,so its time to understand each other.If he does'nt want to have sex,dont force him.If both of are getting close day by day its a good sign.Check for some more time,if he still does'nt change just be brave enough to talk it out.Sometimes a meaningful conversation helps and sorts all issues.Best of luck.
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