| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone, I really need to figure out something. I don't know how to stay in my marriage. I tried everything, but my husband is getting worse every day. He is grumpy, is in a bad mood, and terribly unloving. I'm trying to tell him, that it is probably from some depression, but he is in full denial. Fully unapproachable. So I can't say anything because he gets very angry, not yelling just totally none cooperative.The communication is gone. What else can I do to save this marriage? I have no more ideas. Maybe its just time to go? I do believe to rescue a marriage and do everything you can. For many reason. But what can you do, if it breaks down and doesn't want to get better? I'm trying give him lots of space, but he never looks forward to seeing me, or tells he feels bad about this. So he just can't see it I guess, or don't want to. So what can I do, if he won't do a thing to change? Getting counseling is not his cup of tea ....Please give me some idea... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): PS: I've just noticed your age, if he's the same age as you, it could be he's getting older and is dissatisfied because he hasn't reached the goals he set himself... A case of the "midlife crisis" maybe....
I hate to sow seeds of doubt into a marriage, but it must said.. Could there be someone else, could this be signs of a guilty mind... Sorry babes, probably way off base, but I'm as lost as you. I'm not sure what is wrong with him, especially since he won't talk to you...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): I have nothing more to add, "Spirit" has covered everything. Try to be extra loving, kind and patient to him, but if that doesn't work, then book some time away and go stay with some friends, just to give yourself a break and to show him that something is wrong. There's not much to work with here. He's troubled, but he won't tell you why, nagging won't help.. Sorry babes, I've no better advice than what you've already been told...
My mum swears by letters. Write him a letter to say how unhappy you are. Tell him you notice that he is sad, but you don't know what to do or how to help. Tell him you love him, and you don't know how to get things back to the way things were before. I done this with my ex partner. He got angry and threw the letter in the bin, but at least it got him to open up and allowed us to discuss what the true problem was....
Sorry babes, just try your best....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): You really need to get to the root cause of what is causing the problem, men are different to women and they tend to bottle things up, clearly something is bothering him and you need to find out what it is.
I dont think it is because he no longer loves you as guys in general are usually the first to up and leave.
It may just be the general fed up-ness that comes from mid-life the grumpy old man syndrome, him wishing the house or the car was better never having any money life slipping by daily drudge he is no longer young but not old either he may not be as fit as he was and sees younger woman and realises how old he is getting...and you are suffering the kick back.
However If you really do believe there is a problem,then it usually concerns Women, Career, Money, Health, Drink Gambling or Drugs usually in roughly that order!
So the first thing to do is to rule out another woman, I am sure you would have had your suspicions raised by now if this were the case
Is his job secure or does he have work worries, it is risky but you could discretely talk to his friends at work to see if there are any problems there.
Do you have any financial problems that you are or are not aware of could be a cause for his behaviour.
Is he worried about any medical issues that could make him irritable... and no addictions to the latter
As for you you seem to love him very much and from what I perceive from your post it is a 'Crie de Coeur' it is during times of trial that we find out just how strong the bonds are between us.
I don't believe you are at the leaving stage just yet for you say yourself "I do believe to rescue a marriage and do everything you can. For many reason." Well it is now you should rely on that belief and those many reasons 'one of which is probably your wedding vow of 'for better for worse'. It is difficult when a loved one shuns us and won't communicate finding the key to unlock the door is often difficult, as I said he hasn't up and left yet.
Remember Love is patient and always perseveres, always hopes.
It is just one step to go through the door, to walk away but I don't think that is what you want to do...What you want him to do is to notice you not notice you've gone, don't address his behaviour through words... I don't think that will work, see what you can do to draw him out.. clothes, house, meals, be attentive to him and his needs yes it goes against the grain, when you yourself are the one who is feeling unloved to make all the sacrifices but it demonstrates your love for him.
Finally If you are passionate stick his dinner in the bin, throw it at him, burst into tears and leave the house anything...that will make him sit up and take notice of you and that something is wrong
...............................
|
