A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi me an my boyfriend have been having sex together for about 3 months.the problem is ive never had an orgasm.i know it sounds stupid, but i dont know how 2 have one!i can never feel like im about to have an orgasm or that anythings going 2 come out.why is this cos i know he wants it 2 feel just as nice 4 me as it is for him 2..?can anyone help me on this?thankyou if u can!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): When you have a clitoral orgasm, nothing will come out. No worries there.
I'm a guy, but all I can say is that it will probably feel like you are losing control to a fair bit of pleasure. Just let it happen. Nothing bad will come of it.
Stimulate your clit on your own first. Then you are the one in control and you can progressively get used to the intensity.
I guess surrendering is the most important concept here.
Enjoy!
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (5 January 2010):
 While I agree that sexual arousal is largely in the mind, and that masturbation helps teach you what works, the key to a man bringing a woman to orgasm has to do with mood, foreplay, anticipation, stimulation and follow through. The mood, of course, is the start. Basically, a sexy or romantic environment, nice dinner perhaps, sweet talk and things like that.
Now, more about anticipation. This is akin to tease. A woman greatly responds to the "anticipation" about what is to come. Examples include kissing but then holding back for a moment, or in the case of cunnilingus (licking below), techniques like flicking awhile before really taking a plunge. Anticipation can also include back rubs, foot rubs, light massage, light tickling and touching, teasing the breasts and using the tip of a penis to "massage" the lips, clit and opening of her vulva a good while before vaginal insertion. It's all about teasing.
Stimulation not including cunnilingus is inadequate for most women. Mastering the techniques is essential. You can find some my writings and instructions by entering such terms as: Double M on Cunnilingus, Double M on Clitoris, Double M on Orgasms, etc. Put them in the site's search field.
Follow through, in my opinion, includes mastering the G-spot massage along with simultaneous cunnilingus. This combination is almost a sure bet. For details, enter "Double M on G-spot" above. These methods should ensure an initial orgasm, perhaps several, then the coup de grace (finale) is vaginal intercourse. But for many, if not most women, vaginal intercourse alone is anti-climatic. Just not enough. It takes more than that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): hi, this is me, the person who asked the question :)
thank you for your advise!!
i have never pleasured myself before, i just dont feel comfortable doing that to myself i dont know why?
and it kind of scares me a bit the thought of having an orgasm where stuff is going 2 come out of me.
i know it sounds really childish but it scares me cos i have no idea what its going to feel like..?
i have another questions too if you wouldnt mind helping me with!
when he's touching my clit it feels nice at first but then it just gets too much and too sensitive that i have to pull his hand away!
what does this mean i thought women are supposed to enjoy it and want it to be touched more?
thanks for your answers i really need some advise on all my questions! thank you :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Try a good vibrator on your clit, on your own (but don't become dependent on it since you want to have orgasms with him inside you eventually).
Then try the 'deepspot method', which is a fingering technique (without clit stimulation). If that doesn't work, have him say naughty talk to you when he's fingering you (include things that make you feel beautiful too).
The key really is your mind. The more you can surrender, the less physical equipment matters. But don't focus on trying to orgasm since that achieves the opposite of what you want. Just enjoy whatever pleasure you experience.
Have fun!
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Take your time and relax. Your biggest and best sex organ is your brain, then foreplay; last of all is penetration.
Stimulate yourself in private to find out what turns you on (Black Lace novels are a good start), and once you know what you lke, train the boyfriend!
I would recommend the website "Clitical"(http://www.clitical.com/female-masturbation/index.php)
which is designed by women, for women and gives masturbation and arousal techniques to help you achieve satisfaction.
Lots of good information and advice there for beginners and old hands (no pun intended!) alike.
Good luck, and if you can spare the time to tell us how you get on it will be appreciated.
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