A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26 and live at home with my partner and our two year old son. I am currently studying an access course (3 A-Level subjects rolled into 10 months) and constantly feel guilty for leaving my little boy (in the supervision of his father or my auntie and friends) to study. The thing that I'm struggling with the most at the minute is the fact my partner is short tempered and gets frustrated easily. Obviously, a two year old is very testing and is trying to understand emotion but struggles so has tantrums and is often sat or lay on the floor crying because he hasn't got his own way etc.My partner shouts at our son and I've mentioned time and time again about how I don't like it when he does this and he needs to realise our son is only two years old and most of the time doesn't understand why he's feeling angry or sad and that we need to try and stay calm to help him figure it out.It has got to the point where I can't study until my son is asleep in bed as I know my partner won't shout/lose his temper with him and I will be able to study with no interruption, but then I am up studying until 1-2am.I'm really not sure what else I can do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2021): Children are only little for a very short time and their early experiences are crucial in making them into understanding little human beings.Your access course is much less important than your son.You could do the same course a year later and it would be the same information all over again.And an access course leads onto a university course.Already you are burning the candle at both ends.Feeling guilty at not spending time with your son is a typical response.But you are choosing to feel guilty by not being there for your son.Whether you continue your course or not you know in your heart that your partner is not capable of good childcare.Perhaps you need to figure the most important factors in your life.Because you are trying to fulfil all roles and this can become very difficult.I know that this is an unpopular way of looking at things but if you could provide a pathway for yourself and your partner and son where you could all be happy that would be just fine.Who can you turn to for help?Could you survive if you were to defer the course as that would probably be for the best in the longterm.Otherwise you need very good quality child-centred child care because your son is a little human being who needs to be kindly shown what is expected of him as he grows up.Your partner may have been shouted at a lot when he was younger and it may be difficult for you to convince him that this is damaging for your little lad.Unfortunately the ladies who appear to have it all usually have a lot of support financially, emotionally and physically in terms of kind grandparents or good quality childcare.Some times an uphill battle is more easily won if you take a circuit around the base of the mountain rather than climbing to the top and descending down the other side.Both get you to the same place but one method may get you all there in better shape than the other method.Is your partner likely to get angry with your son and start to hit him for not understanding his demands?If so it would not be reasonable to leave your little one alone with your partner.Perhaps your partner is better at things other than childcare.If that is remotely possible you should refer to child social services who may be able to offer you a nursery place often without cost to yourselves.You would need to request an assessment by social services to see if they can help you to build a childcare protective plan.I have no doubt that you love your son and that your partner does too, but frequently people refer to the method that they were brought up in.If they were introduced to the world in an angry manner then they know no better than to repeat these experiences.That's why you could get a referral to family welfare classes.The pressure on you to succeed may make it difficult to see how important your child's life is ( in that your child can never be replaced). It's quite possible that you attempted to branch out too early in your sons life and this is creating instability in your sons life.If you can't organise a sensible strategy for helping your son to develop into a happy three year old then perhaps you should defer your ambitions for another year. I am assuming that you are studying remotely, from home.If you are travelling to and from college then I expect your child is in daycare already at the college.He must be very tired by evening so quite possibly all you need to develop is a good bedtime routine and strategy.This would be so much easier for him a year later and you would also find it considerably less stressful because a two year old has considerably less understanding of the world than a three year old does and is developmentally more ready to understand directions.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 November 2021):
 How about daycare? Can you look into getting financial aid for some daycare throughout the week?
I would also consider asking family for more help, the LESS your partner spends around your little one, the better.
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