A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have no idea what is the proper way to approach someone that you perhaps are interested in and may want to ask out. I do not how to properly flirt. I have been accused of flirting before but I always thought I was being friendly. Maybe I just flirt and do not know it. If it it has not been with any guys I have liked. Anyways, can someone please tell me how to approach this situation? I know I should waiting until love finds me, but I never had an actual boyfriend before and want to give it a chance. So how do I do this? What do I jsut about? How do I flirt? Any help is appreciated. Thanks for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again for your advice.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 Hi
I agree that you have all the bases covered.
Clothing that is appropriate for the occasion is the key.
If you were walking back from the shops then you know what you would wear to the shops. Not a Bikini and a see through shirt I am sure.
If it is summer and you are out for a run in the park then what you normally run in should cause no issues (since you are running) even if it is shorts and a crop top.
And if it is colder and you are wearing cold weather running gear then no problem. The attire is appropriate for the task.
Same if you were walking the dog, what you think is appropriate as walking the dog gear.
Not that you would, but for example (I am going to really go over the top here) if you had chosen to walk to the shops one morning and you wore a miniscule tight fluffy purple boob top covered in sequins, with a tiny tiny short hot pink little kilt just covering the very top of your thighs and some sparkly gold boots. Now that would draw attention to you. And attract the wrong interest. (earings optional :)
Now I know you would not. But I thought i would push the envelope a little.
Since it is quite obvious that you are intelligent and will definitely be dressing appropriately as the occasion suits.
The tried and true way is to meet guys at school, since you have plenty of time to get to know them and observe how they behave with others. and see how respected they are when interacting with their peers
Stopping to talk to guys who live in your area where your parents will likely know his parents is a great way to go too.
Meeting random guys who you hardly know at all and who do not live near might be a little more risky.
Meeting guys in a social setting with other people your own age who are your friends is often a safer way to meet a reliable guy. Are there any community groups in your area or any local community projects you could join where you would be able to meet other young people around your own age?
It is always a good idea to see how a guy interacts with his friends and his peers rather than meet a loner.
I have faith in you that you will learn to flirt with guys and do very well. ( and try to have a chuckle at my over the top example of how not to attract the wrong attention - I am fully expecting someone to tell me they dress like the example I gave, all the time. And what is wrong with dressing like that?
Well I guess it all depends on where that dressing is appropriate - and maybe it is Ok somewhere? But I could not recommend it - but that's just my opinion)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering, Abella. This helps a lot. As to the following questions below, I don't see anything that'll be an issue. I do dress casual often when I am out walking and such, but dressing nice to impress should be no problem as I have many options and do dress well now and then when I have a reason. I have had alcohol on occassions whenever my mom offered it, but I am not qualified as an actual drinker. I do not really use Facebook anymore. Also I do watch who I hang out with and I detest gossip. No issues there. Back to the question of clothing though - say I was traveling by foot and stopped to talk to a guy. What would be the appropriate attire that wouldn't make me uncomfortable? By the way, there was no trouble with my EQ. My score was 147.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 June 2012):
HiThis will happen in good time. But first I must ask: how is your self confidence in you? Healthy and in good order i hope? Nothing succeeds like a positive confidence (not arrogant) in you and your abilities. So before I go on to flirting please don't skip this bit:1. List your five BEST qualities that you value in you.If you cannot do that then there is a problem to address as you probably have more than 50 good points, but if you cannot list 5 off the top of your hear then you are not valuing you highly enough2. List where you want to be in your life in 3 years time and then in 5 years time and then in 10 years time. Be very specific: what studies are you aiming to do, where do you want to be living, what income and what career path are you aiming for? How do you want to live? What things do yo0u want to be doing in your leisure time? People with plans and ambitions are infinitely more interesting than people who have never thought about the journey they want from their life.3. How long since you changed your hair style? And are there things about your personal presentation that you want to change or improve? Guys are really visual. Guys look at the visuals first. Yes it seems shallow, but that is how guys (and most girls) are wired to think at the teenage time4. Do some on line free tests on your EQ. EQ = your emotional intelligence. The results can be very accurate. If you are making an impression on the guys who are not the ones you want and not making an impression on the guys you do like then you may not be picking up signals correctly - this might mean that you need to address your actions that are sabotaging you due to not making the right moves - that is all about EQNow on to flirting. The most important things with flirting are eye contact and smiling and LISTENING = really really well too.Eye Contact = not one long stare. Shy eye contact is beguiling and does get attention. As he levels alongside you when you are walking towards him drop your eyes a little as he gets nearer, indicating a little shyness,and then turn you head to him still with your eyes and with your head still down turn you head towards him and give him a shy little smile with your mouth just starting to smile.Once he is actually talks to you then smile at him and let the smile go to your lips and your eyes toopractice in the mirror if you are not sure.Look away sometimes.And give him a smile and your eyes contacting his eyes when you look back at him.Your hands. Find a way to touch his arm when you are talking to him in an innocent shy way. Make it natural. Practise in the mirror. So you are telling him about this amazing ......xyz that happened and as you make a point, put you hand on his arm to say, 'and then you'll never guess what .......' and look into his eyes while still leaving your hand on his arm.Don't be afraid to take his hand in your hand when he is talking. especially if he is telling you something really important to himWhat to talk aboutWhen you talk with him encourage him to do a lot of the talking. And you can do this by asking him OPEN questions not CLOSED questions. As OPEN qestions mwill have to give long replies.When there is a lull in the conversation make sure you give him some feedback to show you have been listening, such as "that's amazing, so what happened after you climbed the tree after the tour bus forgot you and left you alone in the wildlife park for the night ..?"The key word in that response was WHAT. Asking a question with WHAT is an open question. It encourages him to say more. And it means that you want to hear more from him. That makes a guy feel good.Here are some OPEN question starter words:WHAT are your feelings about the demolition of your old school....WHY do you want to go to that particular University?HOW are you going to achieve that?Whereas CLOSED questions end with a yes or a no. They Close the conversation down and make it look as if you are not interested.Here are some CLOSED questionsDO you like swimming? only answer is Yes or NODID you get any presents from your Nana this years?ARE you going to the bowling night next week?Your PhoneTurn it off when you are in his company. It is a distrationYour Facebook:Don't say things there that he might read. If your current Facebook makes you look inane then deactivate it until you are sure that you will not have thing therein that could be miscontrued.How is your family Life? Can you invite new guys home? He needs to see that you speak to your family respectfully and you should find out the same about him. How you speak to your parents sends out a message about who you are. Address this issue if you can if it is a problem We cannot get on well with everyone. But at least we need to be civil.I do not think the following applies to you, but in the spirit of trying to address everything I will ask:Do you already drink alcohol and get legless? This can be a big turn off for nice guys. Try to control any impulse to do such things.How do you dress? Neat and tidy and feminine will win over dowdy clothing.Tarty clothing is not your friend. The boys will snigger but wll not be impressedSloppy over-sized clothing maks you look too frumpyTalking too much: to be avoided at all times.other things that make you interesting to guys:Have some interests.a hobbyHave you read any good fiction lately? if not then try it.Maybe volunteer once a month for a charity.Maybe write a journal which you add to occasionally when you do something very positiveLaughing too loud = to be avoideddo not spend time with nasty, catty and bitchy girls - always to be avoided. Do not mix with people who spread gossip. It is a people poisoner activity. People like that are always to be avoided.Good Luck
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