A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK, so let me give you a bit of background. 25 year old male, was very shy and socially awkward as a teenager but I've improved so much over the last year. My way of getting over being socially awkward was just to be very friendly and polite to everyone I met. I used to get really nervous around attractive women, and I overcame this by just treating them exactly the same I would any other human being, by just being nice.Only problem with this is that now I have no idea how to be playful or flirtatious with anyone. I think I come across as really friendly but in a non-sexual platonic kinda way. I'm also terrible at spotting if anyone is being flirtatious with me. I think this is really harming my chances of hooking up and I need some advice!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 November 2014):
 Your objective here is to hook up or date someone. You are thinking flirting is a prerequisite to it, or to show interest and gauge an interest. There are people who flirt but not follow up with real action and that can be confusing as well.
Flirting is not done consciously. Some people are natural flirts. They exude sensuality as they breathe. If this is not your strong suit I suggest not to focus on being someone you are not.
Growing up you feel a lot of pressure to be social and normal. All you need is someone who is like you, accept who you are without regards to what society tells you who you need to be. I would rather be direct and date, than flirting and not knowing where it's leading.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014): Most of the problem is over-thinking the situation instead of just following your natural instincts.
When it comes to flirtation; if it isn't natural, it's mechanical and contrived. Your personality creates how you approach people you're attracted to. Stop seeing yourself as awkward. You're just shy and a little unsure of your charm. Try to get away from putting yourself down; just because you don't have a come-on strong approach to women. Sometimes the lady is the more aggressive flirt; you'll know when she keeps her sites on you. She'll ask you things about yourself. Soak it up and smile. If you aren't that confident, work on your self-esteem.
Learn to absorb rejection. Rejection doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it means you approached the wrong person.
If you get nervous around attractive women; it is because you're in your head trying to figure what they're thinking, judging yourself unworthy, and not noticing what signals they're sending in your direction.
A smile is an opening to say hello, and be friendly. If you can respond without trembling, breaking-out in a sweat, or stuttering. You've got it licked! We all get nervous at the first point of contact. Especially when they are attractive and don't seem particularly interested.
Take baby steps. You can't jump to hooking-up, when you can't get past smiling and making an introduction. Flirting is as simple as a smile and a sincere compliment.
Women only get turned-off if you get totally flustered and freeze. You said you've made progress. If you have, you're doing everything right. Timing is the key. It just has to be with the right lady at the right time.
Keep practicing, and don't worry about the results. Whatever doesn't work, don't repeat.
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