A
female
age
41-50,
*odkablue
writes:i need some advice-hopefully i wont get any nasty comments but if i do so be it. i just need advice.ive recently finished with my ex-i was with him 5 years-5 years too long. in that time he has never visited my family, never called, calls once a day at a set time-he hardly cuddles me-if i ask if he loves me im pressuring him ?ive put myself in major financial debt for him-luckily i sought debt management and am slowly crawling my way out but still im helping him pay the rent on the flat we had together-the rents 650 a month-i pay 500 and he still asks for bill money on top.i just feel like a cashpoint i dont feel he has ever loved me-he didnt even remember my birthday this year-he says its because we had a row so what was the point-even thought i spent 250 on him last year. he was never there when i was getting massive stress from all my creditors-he told me it was my fault i was in debt even though i gave him 12,000 to buy a car.i just feel like a sack of crap i feel everyones laughing at me and i have no self esteem.hes making me feel even more guilty now saying im making him homeless if i dont pay the rent-ive tried to call on occassions to check for bills-he never answers. i need some self esteem but am i a bad person if i stop paying please dont judge me too harshly-i am feeling extremely low.also the ohter day a girl i used to work with told me my first ex had got married this news upset me-although he was pretty similar in character to this one and he had heard what had happened to me and thought it was karma
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female
reader, The Girl in the Green Scarf  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 Wow i honestly feel awful for you. Hes abusing you mentally and financially and you just take it on all fours. Theres one thing to help someone out who you care about and cares about you back but its give and take. Why would you give to someone who just takes it and spits in your face? Its easier said then done i know but you really just need to cut it all off. Cut your losses and organise whats his and yours there should be no more "ours". You need your own space and life because your enabling him to walk all over you since he knows your always going to be there no matter what he does.I also recommend self help books they are amazing. One that i read that helped me emotionally and financially in the dating world was "Why men love bitches" Its empowering and awe inspiring and i think it could help give you the push to become a stronger person.I hope this advice helps and good luck to you. You sound like you have a kind heart, you just need to find someone who appreciates it.
A
female
reader, birchybabe15 +, writes (5 July 2009):
 You have been completely taken advantage love. My ex beat me and cheated on me with all my friends so I know how it feels to have no self esteem. Get your hair done, go to the gym, go shopping and redecorate your home. You'll find someone who'll treat you right as soon as you accept you don't owe him nothing. He's no longer your problem don't pay his rent don't pay his bill delete his number and avoid him like the plague. It'll be difficult for the first few months but as soon as your happy with yourself you'll be able move on. I still think about my ex even tho I'm engaged with a 7 month old daughter. You need to put all your effort into yourself he sounds like a arse don't let him hurt you 'or your bank balance' any more x x
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (5 July 2009):
 firstly noone here thinks your bad. nobody is laughing at you. we're all here to help.your going to be feeling terrible because u've been in a relationship which has drained u of energy (not to mention money) the past 5 years. your ex was using u, rather then really loving u.unfortunately some guys are jerks and u deserve alot better.your ex is manipulative, and he's playing games with u. thats why he is making u feel guilty that he will end up homeless, what nonsense! he wont end up homeless becoz im sure he has family/friends/ council to bail him out of it. you shouldnt be supporting him anymore, your relationships is over and he's used u and hurt u.u need to love urself before loving or giving to any1 else.have some time out away from your ex, find the courage to tell him u wont be bullied by him anymore, and stop paying his expenses, he's taking u for a fool, which u are not.u need to find that courage within, be kind to yourself.
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