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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel really sad and confused right now. My friend of so many years whom we both had feelings for once..said something rather hurtful when I was speaking to him yesterday. He said he can't deal with me and that we haven't got a long for the past few years. This is completely untrue. Whenever he acts not bothered, I distance myself and don't make any contact. However, when I do this he hates it and doesn't seem to understand why. Then when I tell him why, he doesn't feel like he's done anything wrong and he doesn't like being asked questions. Then when were talking on the phone he said to me he feels bad for saying things like that to me and he doesn't mean it. I just don't know how to feel. I feel hurt. He doesn't seem to get why our friendship is like this because of what he does :(. Then he tells me how he can't let me go and that even if we ever stopped speaking, he'd always be the one who gets in contact first. Which is true, it's happened before. We were talking about feelings and stuff and. I said I don't like him in that way..then he said oh I didn't have to say it like that. So I said to him that he doesn't have feelings for me and that it's not a big deal. I said to him say "I don't like you" to me and he kept saying no. I asked him again to say it and he said "I don't like......" and then he paused for a long time. I didn't hear him say you but when I said say you..he said he did and he didn't. Just so confused :(. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 "I would rather have him besotted with me than no one at all? Lol I'm not desperate and I don't need someone to like me you know."I hope you understand those two sentences contradict each other.If you don't "need someone to like you", then you don't need him to like you, either. And if you don't need someone to like you, you wouldn't be bothered if no one liked you.Your relationship with him is toxic. He wants to be in a relationship with you and you are not interested in him romantically. Since he's immature, instead of moving on and focusing his romantic attention on someone else, he keeps holding out hope that you'll magically change your mind and be attracted to him some day, in the meantime, he vents his frustration about it on you instead of finding healthier methods.Again, why would you want to be friends with someone like that? I don't think it's fair to think of a platonic friendship as "second best". I value platonic friendships very much and I like to be in them with people who think the same way, instead of feeling that they're "settling" and then being jerks about it.He's not your friend. He's waiting for you to change your mind about him. That's not real friendships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would rather have him besotted with me than no one at all? Lol I'm not desperate and I don't need someone to like me you know.
Shrodingerscat - but do you think he has feelings for me then? :/
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (18 July 2013):
No, I don't think you should be friends with him. The relationship is toxic and unhealthy. Why bother? There are plenty of people out there that will be your REAL friend instead of trying to wait out your lack of sexual attraction to them in the guise of being your "friend".
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013):
I think it's quite clear what's meant .. But I'm afraid to think that you know to well how he feels and you would rather have someone besotted with you than no one ..
And it's unfair to play with someone feelings .
Let it slide . Move on without friendship ps I don't agree he prediatory at all.,
Take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies.
I'm just confused because I don't understand if he likes me or doesn't. I got hurt by what he said about him saying he can't deal with me but he said he didn't mean it etc. However, yesterday I told him I feel hurt and that I will only now speak to him once a month. He responded by saying he knows he shouldn't have said that and he regretted it after. I didn't reply. He then called me later on during the day, but I didn't pick up.
Shrodingerscat- what do you mean? Do you think I should or shouldn't be friends with him? If so, why or why not?
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (17 July 2013):
http://jezebel.com/5838994/a-field-guide-to-nice-guys?tag=dudesThis guy is definitely the Predatory Bestie:"The Predatory BestieHe offers to listen to you cry and cry about your ex. So you let him. He offers to help you move a heavy dresser to your 4th floor walk up. So you let him. He admits that he cried during The Notebook. So did you. He tries to touch your boobs one night. You don't let him. You bitch.Likes: All the same things you like, even Grey's Anatomy.Dislikes: All those assholes you keep dating who are definitely just doing _________ to get in your pants, unlike Predatory Bestie, who is most definitely not just hanging around waiting for you to be single and vulnerable so he can make a move and then guilt you into having sex with him.Pop culture muses: Duckie from Pretty in Pink"Do you REALLY want to be friends with a dude like that?!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2013):
 He is getting back at you for "not liking him that way" at least that is how it seems.
I would back off from this friendship, neither of you are getting anything positive out of it right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013):
Oo come on, you know fine and well he has feelings for you.. Hence him sticking around ..
This game playing really needs to stop.. You shouldn't make someone repeat a statement that you wish them too, that's just very rude and inconsiderate of their feelings .
I really feel you should limit the amount of time you see him and let him
Move on with his life .
Take care x
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