A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex boyfriend broke up in September after ten months of being together. We were apart for about a month and a half, until we ran into eachother again, and all the feelings came back. We started seeing eachother no strings attached. (Well, that didn't do any good for me, because I still love him) But I broke that off about three weeks ago. Without him, I feel fine, I don't feel broken and the heart ache I use to, I just miss him which I know is normal, but I start getting paranoid and afraid.. and those feelings make me run back to him ever single time.Another problem I have is, I am hesitant to be in another relationship with someone else. I feel like I don't know how to be. There will be different standards and another personality. Will we cling or clash? How do I act? Being with someone just feels really uncomfortable, I have tried and failed on a few occasions. I compare them to my ex boyfriend and what they do wrong. It's like I pick and pick and find reasons not to date them, I basically make excuses. I guess I am just afraid that nobody will ever make me feel that way, even though half the time the relationship was dysfunctional. I guess that's another problem I have.. I don't really know how to be in a healthy relationship. But I just loved the passion in our relationship.. and I just can't seem to find that anywhere else.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): You really should just take time before you start dating again until you figure things out. One thing I would say is running back to your ex all the time is not helping and you're probably hurting him or doing who knows what sort of damage to his life. You should consider the consequences it might be having on him.
A
male
reader, deaconblue6969  +, writes (24 November 2009):
first off right away you need to take a time out you dont need to be in another relationship right now ...breaking up hurts period and although you may not feel broken hearted your still in recovery...theres a right way and a wrong way to get over someone jumping back into a new relationship is definatly the wrong way and its unfair for the new person...you need to find other things to fill your time with things that will make you a better you in the long run ..also take a mental inventory dont pine over what you both did wrong or obsess over being alone get out and live
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A
female
reader, the1st1 +, writes (24 November 2009):
I have to say I went through the same thing with my first love! You have to give yourself time to recover from everything and eventually things will fall in the places they are meant to be! It might take a couple weeks or (if you really love him) it might take a few years! It has been 5 years since him and I split up and I am just now able to be in a relationship, not compare, and not judge because he isnt my ex! I am way happier now than I was with my ex, and now that I gave myself time I now realize that what him and I had will never leave my mind but it isnt the first, second, or third thing popping into my mind all the time. In fact, the only time I think about my ex is when someone talks about him, or my boyfriend now does something stupid like (accidentally hitting me, or calling me an ass). My ex used to hit me and call me names all the time. Those are the only times I think about him. You know, for some reason I still love my ex, and I doubt I'll ever stop, but my heart is now healed enough for me to move on. Not only that but my boyfriend now is making my heart hole again, like it once was before any relationships! You have to give yourself time! You will experiment (meaning try getting into a relationship) things will fall apart, but you cant let it get to you! You shouldnt try to get into any relationships until you are confident that you are able/willing to actually try to work through the rough times as well as the good times! If you get into a relationship before you are ready you are most likely going to end up hurting someone else, and unless you are cold hearted, I dont think you want to do that.Like I said just give yourself some time. It will all get better, I promise! I hope I helped, and Im sorry that is so long!
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