A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have this friend I have a long on and off history with. We had some real rocky patches (Mainly attributed to my drug and alcohol problems apparently) and we ended up not talking for like 4 years. The not talking decision was mine and I ignored her messages all the time. Out of nowhere she messaged me and even sent all of these drunk texts about how much I mean to her, how she's so glad I'm doing better, and how she was always the girl that "gave the biggest shit about me."ect. ect. I've been completely head over heals for this girl since I met her in HS. I'd die to protect her. I inevitably cracked and let her come visit me. This is where I'm so fucking confused. She will always say the nicest stuff over messaging but when she's with me in person she's so sarcastic and can never express her feelings. I've always completely loved this girl to death but she just hurts me and I don't even think she knows! She's always been the one with reserved emotions who never talks about things and I'm always just the sensitive guy getting hurt by her comments. She'll call me dumb and weird and it really hurts my fucking feelings. I know she would be sad if something happened to me, but why can't she be nice to me while I'm in front of her? Not only all of this but in when she came over(drunk I might add) we talked about the past and she told me the only one that was ever and asshole was me. I laughed it off but on the inside it wasn't funny to me at all. If I was always the asshole why did I always feel like shit? Why did I have to drown myself in alcohol and consume drugs like candy? Why did her friends even say she was more mean to me than usual? Last night went pretty well because I hacked most of her little witty comments and we talked about a lot of old times. I have missed her. I'm just so confused. I obviously still love her but I held back and still just acted like long lost friends. I don't know what to do because it's so hard, I want to hang out with her but if I keep playing this friend game she's going to bring up a guy in conversation eventually I imagine (even if it's just bullshitting about the past) and I know my heart is going to sink. I'M SORRY I'll CUT TO THE CHASE. Am I just her punching bag? Her sensitive little chew toy? Why does she say the most amazing heartwarming things over texting but when I see her in person she won't express herself at all? Why does she pick on me so much? I'd do anything just to have her wrap her arms around me and comfort me saying things like the stuff I say to her. I'm not acting overly clingy or anything... I don't know why she can't just be nice. I completely bearhugged that gorgeous girl last night and told her "I missed you so much, you missed me too right?" She fucking said no, even if it was in a jokingly fashion I'm sick of it. How much is it to ask her to say "I missed you too, I'll always love you." like she does in messages. I'm so confused, we hadn't seen each other in 4 years so I'm not expecting her to jump on me and wrap her legs around me in sheer happiness to see me, but some little affection would really make me feel a lot less shitty about myself. WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 August 2015):
 My instinct is that you need to walk away from this. It could be a her and her friends having a laugh to mess you about. This is one of the problems with conducting half your relationship online. What's more, humour travels poorly on the internet so that is one to watch out for.
If you still want to go on, why don't you just ask her out on dates, and take it from there in the real world?
You will better be able to judge if she wants to spend time with you, and build a relationship - or not.
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