A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. Well, I have been seeing a guy casually for the last three months, and it has been a very on off situation. Having just come out of a relationship when I met him (only a month after two years together), I wanted to take things slow but got caught up with the attention. Cut a long story short I blew hot and cold on him a lot, and I broke things off again with him. I reconnected with him a few weeks ago and things have been going steady, he is being really cautious this time and I don't blame him! We hardly live in each others pockets, maybe spend a day a week together and some evenings here and there (very sparsely). He has kids from previous relationship which stay with him 50% of the time and I really am not overly looking forward to meeting them, as I do not think we have a future. I am having niggly doubts about this, and whilst I do enjoy his company, I do not miss him when I do not see him, and can easily go for a whole week without seeing him and the occasional text, most days but nothing heavy.I think I know what people's answers are going to be: that I should just end this now before it goes further and before I meet his kids. Thing is, I have already dropped him like three times and the last thing I want is for him to think I am messing him around again. He will seriously resent me and things would be left on a very bad note and his faith would be gone with women. Last thing I want. I am hoping that this might fizzle out, if I just think of excuses not to see him etc, maybe he will lose interest. He is a selfish lover too and even though I have said I need a look in from time to time, I just do not seem to get much attention. Also it's like he can't really make an effort to court me as such or rather take the time and take the effort to spend time with me. Lots of things really here, sorry for it being so long. What do you guys reckon the best way forward is here? As I say, it has to come from him to finish what we have, we don't really have a status for what we have yet, we are not girlfriend/boyfriend etc, do not know what he thinks we are, think he just wants to be careful this time as he really doesn't want to get hurt again! What a situation I have put myself in, i wish I hadn't reconnected with him those weeks ago, but at the time I felt lonely and asked him for a drink which he accepted and now its led to this. What a mess!!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 November 2014):
 You're very welcome. Glad to help.
:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here. Yea I do tend to think too much about it all thanks for your response. Exactly, it's not as if we are getting married etc...lol!! And I shall just play it cool, glad on reflection there is not much effort on his part as such, makes things easier, and if the time should come where it looks like things could get more serious I can just say to slow down, put off meeting his kids for a while or indefinitely, although we have talked about it and he knows I am scared to meet them etc.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (9 November 2014):
I think you're creating rules and deadlines where none exist. Who says you have to be madly in love with him to spend time with him? Who says you have to meet his kids and get married? Who is setting this time table you're so worried about?
You don't have strong feelings for him, you don't miss him when he's not around but you want him to pay more attention to you. I would have thought you'd appreciate the space. It should be a relief, not something extra to have 'niggly' feelings about.
Keep life simple, OP. If you enjoy spending time with him, then continue spending time with him. Enjoy what you have now, and if he ever wants more, just tell him you like the way things are. He'll either be fine with that, or hopeful and patient enough to wait or he'll move on. It's a win/win for you. You can enjoy what you have with no pressure to make it more and he can decide for himself whether or not he wants to stick around. If he doesn't, you won't be the one dumping him again.
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