A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice please. From 2004, I met this guy during university and we met up casually. He messed me around i.e. sometimes he’d call and text, he’d forget our meet ups or he’d text out of the blue. He was the first guy I dated and kissed. I really liked him. Anyway from June 2005, I wanted to tell him how I felt and needed to know where I stood with him. I was looking for a long term relationship. We arranged to meet up, he stood me up and I never got to tell him how I felt. I never heard from him so I decided to move on.From January 2006, he made contact. He apologised and explained when he first met me he was going through personal issues (family problems and his EX left him for another guy). I decided to remain as friends. We arranged to meet up but he cancelled due to financial problems. I decided not to remain in touch.From January 2007, he made contact again and told me he still liked me. I kept my guard up as I didn’t want history to repeat itself. He wanted to make it up to me but I gave him the brush off. I didn’t want him to let me down again and I was studying my finals. We talked online and I enjoyed our conversations. It was a busy time, I decided to meet up with him, everything was set. I found out on Myspace, he’d met someone. I cancelled our meet up as I couldn’t face the fact he’d met someone else I used the past not to meet up with him. I was disappointed he met someone new. As time passed I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I made contact with him from April 2007. I just wanted to know if he had moved on from me. He told me he was happy with his girlfriend. He figured out I still liked him. We were texting and his GF weren’t happy so we decided not to continue anymore. I was prepared to cut all ties with him. He wanted to remain in touch with me but he told me he has always liked me but he couldn’t leave his GF. I would never have started a relationship behind his GF’s back. Then his GF and him were having problems and they broke up. He kept playing hot and cold with me. He wanted to see how things go with us and kept saying he wanted to be with his GF. I decided to break all contact even though I found it hard. He didn’t want us to stop talking. He decided to be with his GF but wanted to remain friends. His GF sent an email and warned me to stop contacting her boyfriend. I foolishly had a go at her. He went mad at me and said some nasty comments to me. I ignored him for two months and he still tried to communicate with me. He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that his GF were on a break which might be permanent. Somehow we continued talking but on friendly terms and I started to feel emotionally attached to him. I think he was considering trying again but he felt his GF was more compactable then me. In the end, we both left things on bad terms and he chose his GF. I changed my phone number. Last year, he made contact but I ignored him even though it was hard. My point is I still don’t have closure on this guy and I sometimes wonder what our life would have been like if we both had tried again from January 2007. Maybe he would never have met his girlfriend at present. I still think about him. If he makes contact again,should I hear him out?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): I just came across your problem there,I know its almost a year ago since you posted it and I hope your problem is very much in the past now and that your are happy and contentHowever I just thought Id reccommend the book "One Day" by David Nicholls the book is exactly about your situation and my own.I decided to break all contact with this guy as I found it was the only way I could really get on with my life, it wasnt easy at all, but almost two years on Im glad I did. Im a firm believer in "whats meant for you won't pass you".All the bestDx
A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (2 May 2010):
 “I sometimes wonder what our life would have been like if we both had tried again from January 2007.”
“He kept playing hot and cold with me.”
I’m guessing if you had “tried harder” he would have still messed you around, played hot and cold with you. It sounds like he is playing his other girlfriend the same way. Sometimes people change but in general past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. You have 6 years of on-again-off-again experience with this guy; I think you know how he is.
And I think you tried as hard as he deserves.
“My point is I still don’t have closure on this guy…”
The way for you to get closure is to find a new guy, one right for you. This will take some work and some time but people all around you do it. Talk to your friends about how they found their BFs and GFs and you try some of the same things.
“If he makes contact again,should I hear him out?”
Only after you are with your boy friend. You will be level headed then to be able to react correctly to what he says.
Good luck and hope this helps.
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