A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now, I'm 26, he's 29. We've been engaged for 2 years now.In the last few weeks he's become very interested in signing us up as members of AARP, lost interest in sex and spends all his time on the Internet looking up finance and pensions-related matters, and seems to have lost his fun side. He used to love motorcycle racing, but has stopped that for "financial reasons", fearing it'd affect his retirement funds. Same goes for his other big hobby, bowling - and his team miss him a lot.He wants us to go to the AARP meeting next weekend.I had a discussion with him about this, tried to understand, but he said I didn't understand him, and now I worry about if our relationship's in jeopardy.I miss the emotional closeless and our sex life, how do i get it back?It's not like he's been laid off or anything - he's been promoted in work, and got a pay rise which was quite substantial.I don't get why he's like this, anyone able to help?
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female
reader, r0ckah0l1c +, writes (14 August 2009):
Maybe he is planning on having you sign a prenup and wants you to go to the meeting as a lighter way of telling you that he feels the need to protect what he has worked hard for. Just make sure he doesn't become too controlling of you or prevent you from purchasing basic needs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Well I would suggest he goes to see a therapist.
There might be many reasons why he worries and is stressed. There might be reasons that you don't know about and things that he keeps from you so as not to worry you. Stress could be the reason for him becoming asexual.
It could also be that he developed some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder regarding his pension and it is meant to displace some other real worry he has.
There are probably other possibilities, but only a mental health professional is going to be able to asses what type of problem he has. He will probably not be able to talk about this with you and will probably be in denial about having any issues at all. He will probably refuse to speak to a therapist as well, so I would not ask him about it at all but go to see myself and say to him that you are going with your own issues say depression or insomnia or something- you can say that the therapist thinks that your problems might have a root in the way you relate to each other. He will be more likely to come with you if he things he is helping you and following a social obligation.
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