A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there,I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a few months. We're two different people, with different interests, but somehow we love each other. I've always had problems with him not giving me enough attention, we could go for days without talking, he doesn't even text to see if i'm ok. When I ask him why he hasn't called and asked about me, he gives me this typical answer "Oh i was really sick and tired". What an excuses!! I mean he gives me this excuse literally every time he ignores me for days, then he tells me "babe you know i love you". So one day, it all piled up and i couldn't take it anymore, i was crying and yelling letting it all out. Surprisingly, he changed. He became a wonderful and amazing boyfriend for about two weeks. Then one day while i was talking to him, I was being very loving and being extra romantic, telling him how much i love him and stuff, he said "Enough saying I love you for today" it really hurt my feeling and broke my heart. I can't be normal with him again after hearing him saying that to me. He traveled two days ago without saying goodbye neither did i get a call or a text from him. I don't know why i'm in this relationship, i feel lonely and on my own all the time.
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female
reader, gse88  +, writes (10 August 2013):
when he said "you know i love you" you obviously dont, not contacting you for days and not being affectionate isnt signs of showing someone you love them, sometimes actions speak louder than words, someone can tell you they love you a million times but when they are treating you like that you dont feel loved at all!
only you know if you want to put up with being treated lk that
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (10 August 2013):
 I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. One of the most difficult things in a relationship is finding the right person who wants the same level of intimacy as you. It certainly sounds like you two have very different expectations and needs as far as intimacy levels.
It certainly sounds like you and your boyfriend have different needs. He seems more aloof and independent. While you need constant reaffirmation of his love as well his physical and emotional presence.
One way to get the affection you need is to ask him for it. Tell him that your emotional needs aren't being met and that you love him. Explain to him exactly what you want more of so that you can feel more like a couple. Don't expect over night changes but hopefully he'll come to understand your needs. Also keep in mind that he is a busy individual potentially starting a career / job and may have other obligations than you.
If he fails to respond you may have to decide for yourself if this is a deal breaker. You may have to sacrifice this need and accept whatever he gives you. Emotionally, he may not be capable of giving you the attention that you need and you'll be the one constantly feeling let down and frustrated.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): That's how guys are.
Very rare you will find a one in a million guy who would be able to meet your expectations.
The moment you started to show you care, its the time that they will pull back and show their true colors.
His just not into you, if he is, he will love to hear you say you love him a million times a day.
but since he don't. it nauseates him.
dump him before he dumps you. there is anything to analyze than the fact that his just not into you.
if he loves you, you will never find yourself confused, crying and asking people from here. you will be secure, and happy. but its the opposite.
so listen to me. dump him before he dumps you.
have a little pride.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 August 2013):
 I don't know why you are in it either since you are not getting what you need or want.
when you back off what happens... does he finally come looking for you wanting sex? And because you want to see him I'm betting you say yes and he comes and has sex.
do you guys make plans to do things in the future or is everything spur of the moment?
it sounds to me like you two just don't mesh well.
if you need to hear and say I love you and he does not like to hear it or say it that's a major incompatibility issue.
My husband told me when we started dating to never expect to hear "I love you" from him. so I don't. When he does say it it's such a treat... and I have learned not to say it to him as it irks him... but he knows "damn you to hell" means i love you so that's our code for it...
saying "I love you" is not the same as loving someone. saying "I love you" but not showing the person you love them means it's just empty words.
does he love you? if you don't say "YES" instantly then he probably does not make you feel loved because he does not treat you lovingly. ignoring you for days on end is not what men in love do.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 August 2013):
 I'm sorry but this relationship isn't going to work out. He is pulling away from you and has been from the start, and you are being clingy (probably because he's been pushing you away so much). You are getting nothing out of this relationship other than the label of being in one, it's time to move on and find someone who wants to be in contact with you. And until then, you should work on trying to not be clingy (what you feel is being extra romantic might be a bit much for some people).
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