| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This is a bit embarrassing... but I don't know why this happens. Okay I've been with my boyfriend for a year, this is my first boyfriend. I used to get so turned on even when he just kissed me, there was a lot of lubrication and all. Now, it's so hard for me to get turned on, I don't know why this is, if I love him so much and our relationship is fun and great in every other aspect. I don't wanna leave him over this, of course not, so please don't mention it. I really do love him. I can get aroused sometimes though, but rarely, and he can get me to orgasm through touching or oral sex. But not from penetration (I've never orgasmed from penetration anyway). I was inexperienced before this relationship, and he had only been a few times with only one other partner a long time ago.But it's not just him, it's like I lost my drive. I don't feel "horny", so I don't feel like masturbating. Fantasy doesn't turn me on, and I used to watch porn before and it got me going just by watching but now, nothing! I can orgasm if I touch myself a certain way, but it takes a looong time, and also because arousal doesn't happen spontaneously...Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning my sexuality. I'm straight, and I find my boyfriend very attractive and hot. Other guys are too, but I don't get aroused. Any ideas about what might be going on?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Could be hormonal. Are you taking The Pill? It can sometimes zap your sex drive. As well as other medications if you're taking anything. You may want to go in for a physical to make sure there's no health issues going on that could be impacting your sex drive. I'm guessing you're not stressed out with work, or other worries and I'm guessing you're not depressed. These will also zap your sex drive and you might need counseling to deal with what's blocking your freedom in the bedroom. Sometimes I think women just go through slumps in their relationships. Alot of our sexual feelings are wrapped up in how we see ourselves. If you feel like a frumpy woman then you will not feel desirable and thus have no desire for sex. If you are in the role of motherhood, and see yourself only as a "Mommy" it can wreck havoc on your bedroom antics. It's all about the attitude. If you feel sexy, you will be sexy. Try updating your image. When was the last time you showed a little clevage, or wore a skirt that was above the knees. When was the last time you smiled at a stranger in the elevator or caught the eye of an attractive man in a cafe? Try to imagine you have just spotted your boyfriend from across the room in a crowded bar, and you want to take him home. Pretend you are total strangers and try to think about what it might take to seduce him. If you've tried fantasizing, and watching porn and found them unfulfilling, try reading some erotica. I used to have a book called "Little Birds" that always got me off because my mind can create more powerful images than any porn film ever can. I hope this helps you out.
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