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female
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*li1987
writes: I have been with my partner for 19 months now, we are engaged and living together. When we had been together for about 6 months I had a miscarriage, even though we were very upset about this, we knew it was for the best. We were still at college and we lived with our parents and our situation wasnt stable enough for a baby. But now we are both working full time and I am ready for a baby. My partner wants a baby with me, he was the one who suggested we try but im not so sure. My instincts tell me that im ready to be a mum but im not sure on our situation. I always dreamt of owning my own house and being married earning enough money so I can stay at home with my baby. I dont believe in leaving your baby all day with someone else while you work. However my partner couldnt support me and a baby on his wage alone. He thinks we are stable and we are but thats without a baby. He thinks we could cope because he says i could work from home but i know nothing about working from home or where to start. I want a baby with my partner but im scared.
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female
reader, ali1987 +, writes (3 October 2006):
ali1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the question anonymous - thanks for the advise, but what your saying is everything thats going through my head rationaly, as for my heart it telling me to have a baby now while i can. You see my nan had cancer and my mum is currently going through a tough time as she is at high risk of cancer of the womb as she has pre cancerus cells (alot of them). She was lucky that she could have children before they talk about removing her womb. My dr knows of my familys history and is keeping a close eye on me. I just dont want to leave it then its too late as i know i will regret it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): If your unsure about whether this is the right time them would it do you any harm to wait? If being married and having your own home is important to you then I would suggest getting married and buying your home before you have a baby. It will be a lot more difficult to do this once you have a baby as you money will be tied up elsewhere. Working from home sounds like a good idea and I think you should look into the type of things you could do. I think however, that there will be a time that you will have to depend on your partner's wage. It would be bit unfair to expect you to look after a newborn baby and set up a business at the same time. Looking after a newborn baby can be very exhausting. Your baby may sleep just fine but it may not. My first child never slept for more than an hour at a time day and night for about a year and was often sick as he was premature. My second child on the other hand slept for about five to six hours at night, but it's something you can't predict. You may want to wait until you child is a little older before trying to work from home. Having a lack of money can also put a strain on you relationship but you have to remember that however hard it gets this period of you life dosen't last and things do get better. To get used to living on a tight budget why not try saving as much of your wage as possible to put towards your marriage/house/baby and see how well you can manage on just your partners wage. Or while your looking into working from home is there anything that you could set up as a joint venture involving you and your partner that would pay more than he's earning now.(I don't know but that could be worth looking into as well)
I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing your still quite young. If that's the case then you don't have to rush into it. Take your time to think about it and spend some time discussing it with your partner. I'm sure that if you did have a baby now you would find a way to cope but if you wait and spend a little time now to fulfil your dreams you could provide a happier and more secure future for you, your partner and your baby. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear. Hope it all works out for you. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): If your unsure about whether this is the right time them would it do you any harm to wait? If being married and having your own home is important to you then I would suggest getting married and buying your home before you have a baby. It will be a lot more difficult to do this once you have a baby as you money will be tied up elsewhere. Working from home sounds like a good idea and I think you should look into the type of things you could do. I think however, that there will be a time that you will have to depend on your partner's wage. It would be bit unfair to expect you to look after a newborn baby and set up a business at the same time. Looking after a newborn baby can be very exhausting. Your baby may sleep just fine but it may not. My first child never slept for more than an hour at a time day and night for about a year and was often sick as he was premature. My second child on the other hand slept for about five to six hours at night, but it's something you can't predict. You may want to wait until you child is a little older before trying to work from home. Having a lack of money can also put a strain on you relationship but you have to remember that however hard it gets this period of you life dosen't last and things do get better. To get used to living on a tight budget why not try saving as much of your wage as possible to put towards your marriage/house/baby and see how well you can manage on just your partners wage. Or while your looking into working from home is there anything that you could set up as a joint venture involving you and your partner that would pay more than he's earning now.(I don't know but that could be worth looking into as well)
I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing your still quite young. If that's the case then you don't have to rush into it. Take your time to think about it and spend some time discussing it with your partner. I'm sure that if you did have a baby now you would find a way to cope but if you wait and spend a little time now to fulfil your dreams you could provide a happier and more secure future for you, your partner and your baby. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear. Hope it all works out for you. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, ali1987 +, writes (3 October 2006):
ali1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks camille your advise has really helped. im going to talk to my partner and tell him im ready for a baby. and at the end of the day i guess as long as the baby has loving parents who would do anything for them then thats all matters. will keep you updated. Booked an appointment with the doctor for friday to have my implanon taken out. Do you have any children?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): If you are in doubt as to whether to have a baby right now, you should not have one until such time as you can both come to a decision you both agree on about working versus staying home!
In any case, why don't you wait until you get married?
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 For centuries people have been having babies regardless of wealth. There may never be a right time financially but you feel ready, that's important. It's a mature decision to think of the finances as babies/children/teenagers aren't cheap, but you'll manage. Times have changed and the cost of living has escalated so much, so you may be waiting for the 12th of Never. Look into working from home, there's loads of books, sites etc that can help with that. I'm sure you'll cope just fine.
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