A
female
age
51-59,
*ittycat1412
writes:I'm feeling very confused. I have been married for 4 years and have a beautiful 19 mth old girl. My problem is I don't feel sexually attractive to my husband. I don't enjoy kissing him and I don't enjoy having sex with him. He watches a lot of porn and most often I feel like he treats me like the women in those movies. There is rarely any romance or love in our sex life. When we do have sex we do the same thing as I just want to get it over with. I use to love sex, but now I don't. I also feel that because our love life is so rare he will have an affair. He is an amazing father and adores his little girl. I think she is keeping us together and the last thing I want is for her to be affected if we ever broke up. He went away for 2 weeks for work and I didn't miss him. I'm not sure I can go on feeling like this.
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affair, broke up, kissing, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Well, Yes as everyone else is saying defiantly counseling, that's a number one top priority.
second: have you tried to talk to him about it, not in a mean way; but in a calmish way, because if he doesn't know something is bothering you then nothing is going to work out. But, if you have talked to him about it then that's defiantly his fault....it takes two to make a relationship work. Maybe you two could go on a date every once in a while and maybe that could help.
it's defiantly not a good thing that you didn't even miss him when he is gone away with work; but he needs to do his part in the relationship and be more affectionate torwards you; he needs to do those little things that makes you go "aww" (if that makes sense). also he's really good to your daughter which again makes it more difficult; a lot of times good fathers are hard to find...and it's also not good on a kid to go through a divorce...BUT it's better to have a guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with and love with all your heart. I defiantly think that you still can get through this but it's going to need some help. I say defiantly go through counseling, try to work things out..give it a bit more time and maybe things will work out....but if you still feel this way then i you might want to start thinking about a divorce. ALSO...about him looking at porn....it's a natural guy thing...but he defiantly shouldn't need that stuff if he has a wife. honestly. oh and defiantly confront him about the affair thing...but if you ever find out that he did...i'd divorce him, he's not worth it in that case.
hopefully this helped a little bit.
good luck!
A
female
reader, x-AiMee-AnDeRsOn-x  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 THat is a long time i suppose to be married but dont feel attracted to your husband.1:has anything went wrong with you's?2:do you like another man?3:or is it just simply not working?anyway if you feel as if hes treating you like thu girls on the tele then why dont you sit down and talk to him about this and see what he has to say?if you dont see an inprovement then why not take a brake from each other.If you feel as if you dont want to kiss him ir anything why not try out knew things together?And if you two are staying thu gither and your not happy then separate but for thu babies sake still visit regualry.well thats all i can say so if you like my advice get back to me love aimee x hope things work out and inprove for you!x
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A
female
reader, BreeBree  +, writes (14 November 2007):
You two need to work on this problem together.
He needs to start trying to seduce you again. Giving you flowers, chocolate, date nights, really doing a lot of foreplay before having sex. Seeing what will make this act pleasurable to you again.
Also you need to figure out why you think this is happening. Is it something he does that you resent that is making you unattracted to him and not even like him?
This must be a really tough situation for you and I agree that you should go to counseling. I do not in any way or form believe this relationship is over. Married couples go through rough times - this is one of them. But, what is important to work through these times. I know couples who have gone through this before for a variety of reasons and come out on the other side more in love than before (or so they say!). Don't give up hope and actively try to fix this problem for YOURSELF for your HUSBAND and for your DAUGHTER. :)
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I think counseling is a good idea. You need to get to the root of the problem. Sex is a big part of relationships and you deserve to be satisfied sexually. Usually when sex takes a turn for the worst there is another problem that needs to be addressed. You should express to him that you are not happy and want to be intimate with him and try and figure out what is wrong. Good Luck.
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