A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, i feel like im giving in for asking for help here, but i need some help.Sorry if its long.Im fed up with lying to myself,pretending im fine, but im not, so heres where my problem starts...I was with my ex for nearly 2 years, he split with me in march, and met another girl about a month after moved in with her and her little boy..he's always kept in touch with me, never let me go...finally ive told him to leave me alone.this year ive been at an all time low..and i still love him to bits, but why? he says he still loves me, but how can he? keeps sayin he'll leave her,n he dont.I met a lovely guy, but the feeling isnt there.I know hed never hurt me,and do anything for me, and im attracted to the attention, i fancy him, but something isnt right, i dont know what i want, Ive tried telling him i need to be on my own, then he gets angry, so i end it, then he tries to seduce me to get me to see him again, then goes all sensitive on me! thats all fine, but im getting concerned about myself lately.my anger is getting worse, im moody, and get jealous of couples even though i dont want a relationship,attention seeking,im paranoid, thinking everyones talking about me.. i feel so lost.Friday night i got drunk and went into a rage in my bedroom, start screaming and crying and throwing things around,then id go out clubbing and act wild like im fine.im doing stupid things, getting involved with men who are with someone, twice my age! i want to feel wanted by all the guys i know.then watever i do wrong to the guy im seeing, he comes back, and i love it, its like i get a kick out of seeming addictive to somebody but its not fair playing with peoples feelings.i feel messed up.im not happy on my own, or with someone..people are noticing, that im depressed.Im not my confident bubbly self anymore..i dont know what to do or where to turn.A year ago I enjoyed being in my relationship,was happy, now i enjoy screwing peoples heads up, screwing mine up, and people who screw mine up.im just not normal! What an essay im gonna stop now, i appreciate feedback...thank you.x
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clubbing, depressed, drunk, jealous, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): You sound like you are engaging in lots of self destructive behavior, you are acting spoiled and only appreciate what you cannot have, all steming from low self esteem.
Stop drinking as alcohol is a depressant, get more rest, stop screwing around with men, date instead, and then go make an appointment with a good mental health professional, such as a PhD level cognitive or behavioral psychologist....you need some help to change your thinking and your behavior and you may need some medication, you sound to me like you either suffer from borderline personality disorder or may be bipolar....you need to be evaluated as this won't go away due to sheer will power.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Sounds like you were embittered by what this guy did to you, so you figured relationships aren't worth it and started playing with people's heads like he played with yours. It also sounds like there are some people out there who are still playing with yours. He is not going to leave her, you know this. And the guy who acts all moody just because you want to leave sounds manipulative.
1) Stop drinking.
2) Go to therapy.
3) If necessary, get on a good anti-depressent.
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