A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have felt unhappy about my sex life for a long time.I was in a long term relationship from 16-21, sexually active from the beginning but never actually experienced an orgasm or sexual pleasure until I was 20, with my boyfriend. Neither of us was experienced enough to know what to do.Now I'm 24, I have experimented plenty on my own, and I know how to make myself orgasm on my own. With boyfriends/sexual partners, generally one of us will play with my clit during sex so I orgasm (usually ends up me because they can never get the right rythym or speed when I'm about to come and I lose the orgasm).All my ex boyfriends have told me how their ex girlfriends have been able to multiple orgasm and I feel like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I? I can have one orgasm and that's it, then my clit is too sensitive to even touch. Plus I don't always seem to have big or powerful orgasms, even on my own. I feel like something is wrong with me sexually :o(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both...
Lexilou, how do you have a vaginal orgasm?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): First, it takes time, allot of time; there is nothing wrong with you or anyone else.
Your boyfriends response (the other girls) was probably to protect his ego; we all do that at times.
Having a patient partner, an informed partner, will help allot. Find a moment that you have his full attention (not before or after sex). Explain your delima. Have him touch you, close your eyes, take his hand and show him. Nothing will happen at first, and you both may become frustrated with each other. Explain what will happen when this occurs. One of you can use a word that will stop the process and provide a giggle due to the frustration, keeping the moment light. Stress, anxiety will prevent you from orgasm, as will it for him.
I had a girlfriend who would just play on her own. Every so often, she'd get a bright idea to try something, and watch for my response. Sometimes, she'd get frustrated and do something funny (like use my penis to slap herself and say "bad girl", of course I'd laugh along with her. Another, she'd flick her finger at my nipple - sharp sensation would go through my body and she'd laugh; another time, she was masterbating me. When I told her to stop, she kept on going, to the point I felt I was going to explode. I was weak for a while and all she could do was grin). It has to be playful, otherwise you both will have your feelings hurt and this will sour the relationship, and if not corrected, will pile on the hurts that the relationship will eventually end: remember, were human, not super beings).
Most women I've known, would not attempt what I suggested, be strong, and you may get what you want, and learn more on how to ask for what you need, and it can only help a relationship if both of you are open and honest with each other, and if you can't be honest at a particular moment, then have with each an exit word that your feeling defensive that being honest now is out the door, you need a break or he does. Your exploring an area rarely encountered by many couples: show and tell!
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (18 May 2008):
 All your ex boyfriends must have dated the same girl or maybe they're making it up. A lot women find their clitoris too sensitive to want anyone near it for a while. However there are different types of orgasm. If I have a vaginal orgasm through sex I dont need my clitoris stimulated during the act and I can quite easily have two orgasms during sex or go on to have sex again almost straight away (if hubbie up to it)!! If however I have a clitoral orgasm from oral I find I cant come again if we have sex afterwards and dont really enjoy it as much, so maybe their ex's were having vaginal orgasms. As for the power of it they can vary and I find vaginal more intense but other women state the opposite. I dont think there is anything wrong with you and these guys shouldnt compare you anyway. When you meet the right bloke the orgasms might blow your socks off!!
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