A
female
age
51-59,
*inga
writes:I have been married for 24 yrs I have two kids, one just graduated from college the other from high school. I caught my husband cheating on me in 2010. He admitted the affair and said he was so sorry and would never do such a terrible thing to me again. I agreed to work it out, but it' still is very hard and not a week goes by I don't think about it. We went to a councelor, the counselor said, I either had to deal with it; or leave him and not continue to bring it up . So I just deal with it in my on private way. My husband has never really treated me the same way since, he is very in personal with me. We have not had the closeness we had before. He is insensitive and always preoccupied. It's just like we live together, have sex occasionally, but I do not feel loved. My gifts not that this the most important things, it's only material items that I receive on anniversaries, Christmas, birthday . It use to be so sweet, he put a lot of thought and creativity into it. I now only receive gift cards or money, I guess it could be worse, but just distance. Nothing for valentines day, not even a card,or even telling me Happy Mother's Day :( On the day our son was graduating high school. He was preoccupied and went to work that am .. Only giving us a few hours to be ready for sons big day.. While I was getting ready, husband still wasn't home, he said he was running late? I received a private blocked number , I didn't answer call but after like 40 rings, I picked up phone it was a female, she new my name, asked where my husband was, I said not here, can I take a message? She asked again where he was.. I said , who is this.. She was silent.. And then said " evidently he hasn't told you about us.". and she hung up? Called blocked? Later at my sons graduation I had to be as normal as possible for him, but when I confronted my husband that evening. He of course denied it and said " I promise I don't have a girlfriend?? What should I do, I don't believe him. He has been sketchy for a while. Working late, not eating at home and going in straight to bed :(
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Well I can't say for absolute certainty, but it sure doesn't sound good.
You could hire a private investigator to check out what he's up to if you really want to know.
A
female
reader, Ginga +, writes (4 June 2014):
Ginga is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am still trying to find out who called me from the blocked number and so far I have come across a few I weird things.. I'm not sure if this information is relevant or not. I think my husband has been visiting escort services on the web and actually meeting people discreetly, he has an iPad and an iPhone all the info is on MY phone bill.. It's hard for me to grab his cell and look at texts but his ipad has the same contacts. One is a sweetrose06 with no number but a FaceTime message with a lot of letters ex. Adrbhftydddd.craiglist ??? The on his ipad his web browser goes straight to yahoo .. Up comes craigs list under the image banner it comes up all the pictures of normal looking pictures, but at the bottom of each picture is a small web site attached to the picture ex. Femaleescortsnew.com ?? Does this mean he is visiting these hook up sites?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 May 2014):
First, it's good that you realize that your husband is telling lies. The heart often only hears what it chooses/wants to hear. So by him insisting that someone is setting him up (laughable), it's easy to fall into the trap of believing him because it's the easier thing to believe. You're a strong woman for acknowledging and being willing to see past all of the untruths.
You should set up a consultation with a divorce attorney. Many will not charge an initial consultation fee. HE is the one who stepped outside his marriage vows - more than once. So YOU have much more leverage and power in this situation than you are giving yourself credit for. You probably won't have to give up the house nor the car - he probably will. Let those be HIS responsibilities and concerns - not yours. Your lawyer will be able to help you with all of this. You need an attorney. That's a must. That is my number one suggestion to you. There's no reason for you to suffer because he's a cheater. That's ridiculous.
As for your résumé; as was suggested, look online for good examples. Either that, or do you have a close friend you could ask for advice/opinions? I have faith that this will all work out in your favor. Keep us updated.
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A
female
reader, Ginga +, writes (26 May 2014):
Ginga is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, it helps to here from people that do not know us personally. It not going to be easy. I have to think of some type of a plan. I am looking for a job, I've worked with him 17 yrs . We owned our own business. My hole gets deeper, we lost our home 1 year ago and we live in a rental house, the rental home is in my name, not his. I've not had much luck finding a job, I think my resume needs something.. I think it looks like I'm over qualified.. As of last month we lost our business as well. So he has taken a new job about 3weeks ago. It's 35 miles away from this rental home I'm renting. We have 1 car and he has been taking it to work, I'm stuck without transportation all day unless my mom takes me to do things. We are also in a chapter 13 bankruptcy. So options are very limited. . I'm not sure how to get a job when I don't have a car! I just need a plan. He said today somone is making all this up and he isn't sure why. He said he does not have a girlfriend. Of course , I don't believe him. I just need a plan of action :( any suggestions
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 May 2014):
either that or he's told her that you two are separated.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 May 2014):
PS: don't tell for his BS.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 May 2014):
Wow, yeah, your husband is full of shit. He's cheating on you again. That much is clear. Some strange woman knows your name and is calling from a blocked number? That's blatant. All of the other little things are just the icing on the cake; the coming home late from work, missing dinner, not being sweet or thoughtful anymore, etc.
What it seems to me happened is that he lied and told this other woman that he'd been seeing that he informed you of their relationship after she pressured and threatened him to do so. She probably gave him an ultimatum. He had no intentions of ever actually telling you, so he eventually just lied in an attempt to appease her, stating that he had come clean to you about the affair. She obviously didn't believe him, so she called to test it out for herself. She discovered he's full of shit with her, too, and that he hasn't told you, after all. Then she hung up. She had found out all she needed to know.
Your husband is a liar and a cheater. He has betrayed you and your marriage vows and you need to kick his ass to the curb. It would actually be a better time than any now to get a divorce, as both of your children are officially now grown and out of the house.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. I've experienced the pain of cheating and it's a terrible thing to go through. I wish you the best. Good luck.
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