A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there! I'm about to get married to this guy I love. We share his computer and he told me from day one he keeps every single pic from his past in there- you know, he's a bit artsy and all. While browsing through is pics I saw he still has pics of him and his ex girlfriend together while they were living in Spain. I'm having a huge insecurity fit as they looked so happy together and she looked so pretty- way prettier than me. They broke up three years ago, she left him to marry somebody else, so it's not a jealousy issue... it's just that I don't feel like I'm pretty enough to be with him. I've told him about this and he said it's nonsense... I'm the one he's gonna marry and he loves me like he's never loved anyone before. Still, I feel so insecure and ugly and uninteresting compared to that girl in the pictures. Is this an issue or is this all in my head? Thank you!
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broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): I think person12345 said it all really just a couple of things I'd like to add.
Say one of your ex's was better than him in any way, say they made more money, were hotter, more charismatic and he started to worry about it. Would he be right to worry? If not then why not? Because no guy but him matters to you do they? Well the same applies to him. Do you really think so lowly of him that you think he's such an idiot that he would get married for the wrong reasons?
For the record OP, your version of beauty and his version are probably very different if you somehow think you're not beautiful. He obviously thinks you are, enough that your beauty is enough to make him want to make a commitment rejecting every other woman in the world to have you and if you can't trust a creative artist type to know beauty when he sees it then who can you?
This is a non-issue. Trust him when he says he loves you deeply.
He's not settling for you, he chose you and was lucky enough to get you. Don't let your impending marriage and cold feet get the better of you.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 I can understand why you would feel "second best" or something if his ex was the one who broke up with him, but don't. We are our own worst judges. Clearly he sees something wonderful in you and wants to spend his life with you, not her. Think of it like this, look how pretty she was, now imagine how pretty you must be that he would pick you to marry! It's a bit insulting to your partner to assume he'd be "settling" for you isn't it? Don't you think he knows what his standards are? You obviously exceed them or he wouldn't be spending the rest of his life with you. He loves YOU, not her.
I was in your situation before, I was very insecure about how pretty a woman from my boyfriend's past was, but he genuinely thought I was more beautiful than her (he has mild aspergers and will be brutally honest about things like that rather than lie). I'm sure it's the same with your fiancée. Stop worrying, he finds you beautiful! She could just be very photogenic as well.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 August 2012):
I can understand why you would feel "second best" or something if his ex was the one who broke up with him, but don't. We are our own worst judges. Clearly he sees something wonderful in you and wants to spend his life with you, not her. Think of it like this, look how pretty she was, now imagine how pretty you must be that he would pick you to marry! It's a bit insulting to your partner to assume he'd be "settling" for you isn't it? Don't you think he knows what his standards are? You obviously exceed them or he wouldn't be spending the rest of his life with you. He loves YOU, not her.
I was in your situation before, I was very insecure about how pretty a woman from my boyfriend's past was, but he genuinely thought I was more beautiful than her (he has mild aspergers and will be brutally honest about things like that rather than lie). I'm sure it's the same with your fiancée. Stop worrying, he finds you beautiful! She could just be very photogenic as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! We've been friends forever, we've been together for a year and a half. He broke up with her years ago and was single for nearly 3 years before we got together. He keeps the pics because he's into photgraphy and those pictures are pretty artistic- he has a zillion pics on the computer, he just keeps everything on here since it's his artistic work.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Hi there, Just a few questions. How long have you both dated before he proposed to you? How long has time passed between his breakup & the begining of both your relationships? Has he told you why he still keeps the pictures of his ex in his machine even though he is trying to marry you? Just to help me with some blanks. Thanks
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