A
female
age
26-29,
*onegirl15
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating about 3 months. The first two months of our relationship AL he did was talk about his ex girlfriend ( she dumped him). She was a who're, so he says.. They dated for about ten months and she was his first real love. Even after she cheated on him and broke his heart he was still friends with her. They broke up like 5 months before I started dating him and she was all he talked about the first couple months we dated. It took Jim weeks to delete all her pictures and stuff. But now I'm so insecure about her. He says he doesn't love her anymore but I don't Reuters him now. I feel like he will always love her more than me and that I will never be good enough for him. Im not as pretty or experienced as his ex and it kills my self-esteem and trust with him so do you think he still loves her? Should I stop trying to compete for his love? I need advice.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 April 2015):
 He wasn't over her. He still isn't. I think you're a rebound he used as ego salve. Don't compete with her, because it's not about you being "good enough". It's more like a wrong place, wrong time. Him calling her a whore is just one more symptom of his not getting over her. You know what they say about when a guy hates an ex like that --- hate is love set on fire.
If she hadn't cheated, he'd still be with her. He still wanted to be friends, he still wanted to keep mementos until he got rid of them.
Now, he may not be as into her now as he used to be. But don't let your guard down. Don't compete with her! Don't let your self-esteem EVER be regulated by a guy, not now, not ever. Never let someone make you feel the least bit desperate. You can have feelings, but never be a slave to his esteem.
If he still has issues regarding her and baggage he can't put down, do not hesitate to cut him loose. That includes staying in contact with her. You said that he wanted to be friends after she dumped him -- is that still now? I wouldn't put up with that for one second. Remember, she cheated on him. You think she'd respect your relationship? You think she wouldn't cheat on a new partner with your boyfriend??
Get rid of the guy if he is still in contact in any way with her. Tell him that you won't put up with it, and that remember how she made him feel when she cheated - he better not even dream of inflicting that on you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): I think you met him before he was over his ex-girlfriend. He may have been on the rebound. Being so young in-love, it's hard to behave correctly and know exactly how to deal with being dumped. It really sucks.
Look him straight in the eyes and tell him you're his girlfriend now, and you've heard enough about her! It is disrespectful and insensitive to your feelings always making you have to listen to him talk about her. If he doesn't stop, you will dump him too. Put your foot down.
You don't have to compete. You don't have to put up with his immaturity and insensitivity either. That's on you.
You're two very young people in a relationship. One of the lessons you've got to learn, is not to date guys who recently broke-up with another girl.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): Have you spoke to him about how you feel? Communication is key. It sounds like he obviously isn't over his ex, despite you treating him much better. I think you should just back off for a while and see if he notices, if you hasnt - you have your answer. Good luck.
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