A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, and thank you for reading this.I am in a long distance with a guy (I'm a guy also), and he lives in Europe, me in the U.S. We get to see each other often because of our flexible work arrangements, visiting one another at least every other month for about two weeks. It has been great and it's been five years. We are very different though. I am and always have been hardworking and serious. He's hardworking as well, but in a nonprofessional position that he likes to leave behind and go out with the boys to night clubs and such. For the first few years of our relationship, he didn't go out with them unless I was visiting--he said it didn't feel right. He has just started going out to bars and clubs with his friends (when I'm not there), which I think is great--we can't always be together and I want him to have fun. I don't do it here, but only because I don't enjoy it. Because of the time difference, I'm usually still up when he gets home and he pings me on skype and we chat and laugh.Here's the "However". The past few weeks he has been going out every saturday, staying out really late--like 6 a.m., and he has mentioned that drugs are involved. Even though it's six hours ahead of me, I'm sleeping by then (even on a Saturday night). That is bothering me because I feel whereas he used to make sure we found time for our chat, the partying is heavier and now it matters to him less if we see each other. I don't want him to stop going out, but I don't feel like a priority anymore, and I'm starting to feel like maybe I shouldn't be with someone who thinks that's a good way to spend time (he's in his 50s). He says "I'm not doing anything wrong"--and I don't think he's out cheating our anything, but that's not what's getting me. He just refuses to do anything about it and insists I'm out of line for bringing it up. Should I just learn to live with it, or do my feelings matter?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): Hi
Your feelings do matter, but it looks like you may have to accept that if drugs are involved this will end up been his priority. This can only really get worse unless he stops ' highly unlikely'.
Have you both ever considered him coming over to live with you, if he has no real commitments in europe.
The 'priority' issue is not as high on the list as personal happiness (that you deserve, both of you). You work hard but life is short and there are wonderful ways of spending one's life away from the rush. Do you have personal dreams that you can build,with a partner or alone?
Your feelings matter
Your Dreams matter
You matter
Please be TRUE to yourself and accept nothing less than what is right for you.
Good Luck, seriousness is not always needed, let your hair blow in the wind from time to time.
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