A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - my problem is that my boyfriend that I love went to live in New Zealand 5 months ago now to work his brother also lives there. He loves it there and has no plans at the moment to come back to England. He wants me to visit and stay for several months but timing is bad with my job (which I love). I could not get a more permanent visa as I have done the test and not enough points and to be a student costs so much I would never have enough money - its at least 3 times what it is in the UK. I feel like I am losing him. I also hate flying and get anxiety and it is such a long way I asked him if he would meet me half way maybe spend a day or two in Asia and then fly on to New Zealand I even offered to pay towards his flight to help my confidence but he said 'No - if you want to be with me it has to be you showing some commitment to me on principle I'm not spending the money.'Just lately (in the last couple of weeks) he has made comments that make me think he is thinking if I don't get out there soon our relationship is over. I don't feel like he has given me any chance to do so and I think he is being cold and cruel.Before he left I did not think he would stay long as he had so many friends in England and was happy in his job but it seems I am wrong.The flight thing has made me see him in a different light... any advice or thoughts would be really helpful.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, pursuit of happiness +, writes (23 August 2008):
Neither of you sound like you care about each other enough to make the relationship worth maintaining. You should put him above your job and certainly above fear of flying. He should have been willing to meet you and spend the money (not to mention made more of an effort to build you into his plans to go to New Zealand). Sorry for being tough, but thats the way it looks.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 August 2008):
"You may only date me if you prove your love by spending huge amounts of money and going through an ordeal of fear...."
Who the hell does he think he is? Only Princesses in magical kingdoms have the rights to make demands like that, and then it's usually their hand in marriage you get, not just the chance to carry on a long distance thing.
You are seeing him in a new light because he's being horrible to you. If you are a student then you have far better things to be pending your time and money on than flying out to see some demanding arsehole.
Tell him that you are not a dog and will not jump through hoops to prove your love for him. If he starts being horrible then tell him where he can stick it.
Have a great time at uni and use the money you've saved on plane fair to go out and have loads of fun with millions of new guys.
Good Luck!! xx
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