A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together for about two years things are fairly great between us, we have always try to deal with situations cordially, we try to always communicate with each other, we try to work through all issues how ever small they may be, but I was wondering if I am overreacting with this situation.Of late he has been working a lot, especially since it was the holidays he had alot of work to get done for customers, and in the new year as well, so I have tried to be understanding and so I always try to have dinner ready when he gets home, give him a few minutes to relax by what ever he chooses to do whether play computer games or what ever. I give him a massage sometimes after a hard day, we sometimes take a bath together have dinner together or go out and hang for a while and whatever else then go to bed.Sometimes he seems really distant and barely says much to me like last night for instance. So last night after dinner etc, I tried talking to him but he seemed to be not interested; later on I was watching tv in the bedroom, he came in for a while then left for about 45 minutes, then later on I was laying down and he came on the bed started to talk about something and fell asleep. I got up to use the washroom and then he woke up and went outside, I came and asked him 'are you coming to bed', he said just 'now', so I went to bed and he came in about 15 minutes later and went straight to sleep.Then this morning he wanted sex but I wasn't in the mood and i felt like i would have just been facilitating him, I don't like that feeling, it is hard to get in the sex mood when I'm not feeling much affection or attention so I didn't want to have sex with him. Of course I plan to talk with him about later but was I wrong to feel that way?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Your fiance needs to understand that women work differently. They need to be emotionally stimulated to get in the mood. In the morning mens' testosterone levels peak so it's easy for him to want sex. While at night time he just wants to unwind and waste time, and that's the time you want affection. He is not acting distant because he falls out of love. I believe he is just being himself and it has nothing to do with you. You are not wrong for wanting affection. Maybe you can meet in the middle. Just for 10 minutes each night you stare into each others' eyes and give each other undivided attention. In the mornings you surprise him with sexual gestures.
If you feel he's being distant, it's more empowering to let him have his space, and welcome him back when he is ready, than to worry and make it a problem, or to do extra work to make him notice you.
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