A
female
age
51-59,
*irrax
writes:been married 22 years husband always pays the bills rent etc. we have separate accounts and i can check his one when i want but dont bother unless i really feel i need to. found out when we moved in 5 months ago he hadnt been paying the poll tax. said he forgot about it and that they hadnt sent out a letter. we got a letter in recently to say we have to pay it back and they will except instalments. so he as been having the money in his account and i didnt know about it. he always tells me he as paid all the bills. is it right or wrong of him to not tell me about the money since he pays the bills? i think he should of told me and i feel hurt he didnt and he had extra money for 5 months. he told me it went on us and stuff but how do i know if thats the truth. he as taken out 2 loans behind my back in the past and i only found out about them by checking his account. why is he like this with the money and why is he keeping me in the dark. he gets paid enough to cover everything. should he be telling me where all the money goes or not as it is his at the end of the day. i dont feel like his partner sometimes with him doing this.
View related questions:
money, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2018): I don't think you should be keeping secrets in a marriage. You should both be open with each other about your joint financial situation. I suggest you sit down together and put all the accounts and bills on the table so you are both clear about what's going on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2018): Me and my wife keep our money seperate. But we share the bills. Neither if us hide money situations from each other.
If he feels the need to hide it from you, this could signify he has big trouble with money in some way. It might not large amounts of money, but there could still be saome issue.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2018): If you don't participate in the household-budgeting and finances; then you're leaving it entirely up to him.
Up to now, apparently you never felt the need to check on what's going on. "Don't ask don't tell" was the rule.
So...what is your complaint exactly?
The solution is to inform your husband you wish to be included in keeping track of the bills and finances. If he doesn't deny you access; take it upon yourself to keep on top of things. You don't need permission.
If he became suddenly disabled or if, God-forbid, anything happened to him; you'd be completely in the dark about what's paid or unpaid. You could be inundated with late notices and placed in collections, on top of your grief!
Unpaid taxes are sometimes collected through wage-garnishment and seizure of bank accounts! If you own a home, they can place liens on your property.
It's up to you to keep track of your incomes, assets, and out-flow of cash. How do you blame this all on him? Did he insist you never go through the bills? I don't think it was as much the problem he kept you in the dark; as you simply weren't that interested to know.
If you ask me, it's imperative that a married-couple should have equal knowledge of their finances and where all the bills and legal documents are. Even if you don't pay the bills; you should know what's paid, so you can help if he needs it. He may be too proud or think you'll feel insecure if he runs into financial trouble. Foolish-pride will make people hide things that could be detrimental to their marriage!
You left it up to him; so he probably assumed you didn't really want to know, because some women don't. I find that totally unwise.
You're married; so by law his money is also your money, and yours is his. Whether you combine your bank accounts or not.
If you signed a prenuptial-agreement to keep your assets and incomes separate; that's different.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2018): Money in a marriage is shared regardless of who is 'footing all the bills ' . The is the case legally at least where I'm from and a partner who had been home raising kids or is sick is entitled to half and also to make shared decisions In my opinion he absolutely should be discussing things with yoh . I experienced a very similar thing. I was working but due to health am no longer working . My husband and I are quite comfortable but he chooses to continue working because he enjoys it . So technically it could be said 'he's footing the bills ' . However it was our joint years of work and my unpaid work of raising our kids that got us where we are today . He however was making unilateral decisions with our money, investing here and there , opening credit cards etc with little or no discussion. In the end it caused a split and it was only after a therapist explained to me that this is actuallyConsidered a form of financial abuse that I truly understood why I felt so horrible all those years . Technically money becomes a form of power and he is treating you like a child and a second class citizen inThe relationships. He is dictating where money is allocated and your opinion is not considered You need to tell him it stops now or you will seekLegal counsel and split all assets so you have control at least over your 50%. Otherwise it will get worse trust me
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 March 2018):
 Well me and my husband both have separate accounts so that we still have our own money, then we have a joint account for things that we both need like bills, holidays, cars ect. Would something like this work for you so that you can see all the bills are being paid up to date?
You say it is his money, so am guessing he is footing all the bills? If that is the case then I don't see why he would need to run everything by you. You have all his details so I don't think he wants to hide anything from you. You need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. But if its his own money from working himself then I think you should cut him some slack.
...............................
|
