A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I happen to be in the most amazing relationship possible. But I still have a problem. I'm getting too much and I don't believe I'm worth it. I live in constant fear he will realize this and hate me for all the energy he invested. I know this is my own problem, but I have no idea how to change the way I feel about it.Details: We're together for over 8 months. We were close friends for several years before that and the decision to get together was mostly pragmatic and it wasn't supposed to be a long term thing - a month or two at most. It was my idea. But then feelings happened. I was more into it in the begining, it took him a while longer to realize this is what he truly wants.The funny thing is, I felt somehow more comfortable when I need to "fight" for his attention and affection and when he was more distant. It felt like I gave more than I got and that is the way things are supposed to be.But when he started trusting the relationship more, he got a lot more attentive and loving. He is a dream come true. Something I feel I don't deserve...I mean, I rationally know this is beyond stupid. But I still feel this way. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): What you're feeling is what it feels like when you're falling in-love. It is confusing, frightful, and delightful all at the same time. Get past your prejudices and stereotypes about men, first and foremost. He's not fitting into your preconceived-notions of what to expect from a man. He knows you better, and what you need. So it takes less effort. He also knows what he's doing. That may be new to you.
Your feelings are going to be up in the air for awhile. You went from a platonic friendship to a romantic relationship; so your head has to adjust to it.
You appreciate all that he does for you; but because you can't keep up with him, you feel you aren't giving enough. Your subconscious-mind is readjusting and resetting the guidelines previously set; which were appropriate for an ordinary friendship. So now you have to give in a different way, and what you receive is entirely different from what "just-friends" exchange. It's more intimate. The affection is different. It is now more sexual. Thus, more confusing. He is very giving, you didn't know a guy could be like that. So again, you're shocked. Once upon a time, getting affection from a guy was like pulling hen's teeth. Now it flows your way. It's what he has always wanted to do, and he's finally getting to do it. So it's easy! Therefore, you deserve it.
Scary as hell, ain't it?
Don't worry, you'll catch-up. Just ask him to slow-down. You need time to catch your breath. This is all moving so quickly and you want to absorb it. Don't over-think things; that causes undue anxiety. You don't have to analyze things, just allow them to happen. There is always fear of taking a risk; especially, when it involves the emotions.
Some people give more freely. You are more accustomed to giving a little at a time, or being the only one giving. Once you feel more comfortable with receiving, you will have less trouble giving back.
I'm very happy for you! Very happy for you!
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